Pink Oompa Loompas

Let's Be Honest

2008-04-21T19:34:00.001-07:00

Life sucks. It really does, unless you have money, or you don't notice what's going on around you. You all must be thinking, "Another negative, depressing, ranting note from Michelle." Yeah, it is. I've just had the last blow in a day that started off badly, in a week and month that have been far from positive. If I were a violent person, I would have killed or seriously maimed someone by now. Luckily I'm not. I just need to get it all out. Or most of it, anyway.

It just seems like I'm watching my life do something like "Whee... falling... back up! up! down... down... up a little... whee... SPLAT!"

(I'm in a slightly better mood than I was when I first started this note. There was a glimmer of hope in Alex's message about going to Brainerd this weekend.)

But, yes. The splatting bit. It has just been a bad month/week/and especially day. I might as well say what I think, and not dance around it. Some people may be annoyed by it, but... Oh well. It started out near the end of spring break, when Pat and I broke up. I was surprisingly fine the day it happened, considering trying alcohol the day afterward to see if being happily oblivious would be fun. (I wouldn't actually do it, don't worry. No idea where I'd get alcohol, anyway.) The next few days were decent. The first week afterward I survived, thought a lot, but was fine. I was actually fine and doing well for the most part until the end of last week. Thursday, I think. A few things triggered thoughts, and I curled into an emotional ball again. Luckily Sara knows how to distract me and make me feel better.

He said that he still wanted to be good friends. Do they all say that? The only contact we've had in about a month is one set of posts on each other's facebook walls. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday. We go out for over a year, and then he forgets I exist. I can't decide if it's better or worse this way. It's kind of cruel, or at least I think so. I'm not this bitter most days. It's just a really bad day.

This weekend was pretty good. Celina came to keep me company, and then Jessy and I hung out a lot and tried to go on spontaneous adventures. I knew Saturday was prom in Brainerd, and that if things had worked out differently, I would have been there.

Yesterday Amanda told me about what she'd seen at Grand March on Saturday. It kind of depressed me, until I learned a bit more from Nick through Sara.
Today, though... My day started off with me opening Facebook, seeing pictures from prom posted in friends' albums, and blithely clicking into one specific album. There was one picture in particular that I saw that made me very, very close to crying. Only the thought that I had to be in class in 15 minutes kept me from dissolving into tears.

Now, my logical self knows that there are good, innocent reasons behind it. I doubt they were specifically trying to hurt me. Well, they probably didn't even think about me, actually, which may or may not be even more depressing. Unfortunately, the psycho-emotional Michelle tends to win these mental arguments more often. She is stronger and more compelling than logical, reasonable and understanding Michelle. I'm overreacting, and I know it. But I can't help it. Any female that isn't heartless would probably feel the same way. Not that that justifies it, but still.

I know, mentally, anyway, that I'm better off single. It was miserable the last few months, to be honest. Now I have less to deal with, but there are still doubts, nagging thoughts, wonderings... I won't go into that, though.

I was just starting to feel better when my parents called a while ago. They started off the conversation saying how glad they were that I was coming home this weekend, was it Friday at 10 when they'll be picking me up? And then they asked if they could borrow a few dollars for gas money. Yeah... I don't blame them. They've got half a tank of gas and $15 to last them until next Thursday. They can't afford a trip down here to get me, no matter how badly they want to see me and I want to go home.

And I really, really want to go home. There's just something nice and comforting about it. I haven't been home in about a month. I think that's the longest I've gone. I was looking forward to going to the play this weekend, seeing friends, just being in Brainerd.... But, no. No home for me. At this point I actually did start crying.

Not only was I thinking about how I was denied my visit home, but how much my parents' lives must suck not having any money at all, and having to disappoint me by telling me no. And then... I may have to help them get by this summer with whatever I make, which means I won't be able to save money to pay for school next year, or anything else I need... And how much the world sucks for people who don't have money, and how poverty is a vicious cycle, and that I'm never going to rise above it and probably have to drop out of school and get a job and be no better than my parents... and, and... *screams*

It's just one of those days where everything seems hopeless and pointless. Everyone has them. Today just happened to be the day when everything hit me at once and I collapsed. I want to give up, but know there are still good things in my life, and that it will get better. I hope. It has to.

I'll stop now. There's more I could write, but if I want to retain a shred of sanity, I should probably just stop thinking about it.

Let's Be Honest

2008-04-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

Life sucks. It really does, unless you have money, or you don't notice what's going on around you. You all must be thinking, "Another negative, depressing, ranting note from Michelle." Yeah, it is. I've just had the last blow in a day that started off badly, in a week and month that have been far from positive. If I were a violent person, I would have killed or seriously maimed someone by now. Luckily I'm not.

It just seems like I'm watching my life do something like "Whee... falling... back up! up! down... down... up a little... whee... SPLAT!"

(I'm in a slightly better mood than I was when I first started this note. There was a glimmer of hope in Alex's message about going to Brainerd this weekend.)

But, yes. The splatting bit. It has just been a bad month/week/and especially day. I might as well say what I think, and not dance around it. Some people may be annoyed by it, but... Oh well. It started out near the end of spring break, when Pat and I broke up. I was surprisingly fine the day it happened, considering trying alcohol the day afterward to see if being happily oblivious would be fun. (I wouldn't actually do it, don't worry. No idea where I'd get alcohol, anyway.) The next few days were decent. The first week afterward I survived, thought a lot, but was fine. I was actually fine and doing well for the most part until the end of last week. Thursday, I think. A few things triggered thoughts, and I curled into an emotional ball again. Luckily Sara knows how to distract me and make me feel better.

This weekend was pretty good. Celina came to keep me company, and then Jessy and I hung out a lot and tried to go on spontaneous adventures. I knew Saturday was prom in Brainerd, and that if things had worked out differently, I would have been there.

Yesterday Amanda told me about what she'd seen at Grand March on Saturday. It kind of depressed me, until I learned a bit more from Nick through Sara.
Today, though... My day started off with me opening Facebook, seeing pictures from prom posted in friends' albums, and blithely clicking into one specific album. There was one picture in particular that I saw that made me very, very close to crying. Only the thought that I had to be in class in 15 minutes kept me from dissolving into tears.

Now, my logical self knows that there are good, innocent reasons behind it. I doubt they were specifically trying to hurt me. Well, they probably didn't even think about me, actually, which may or may not be even more depressing. Unfortunately, the psycho-emotional Michelle tends to win these mental arguments more often. She is stronger and more compelling than logical, reasonable and understanding Michelle. I'm overreacting, and I know it. But I can't help it. Any female that isn't heartless would probably feel the same way. Not that that justifies it, but still.

I know, mentally, anyway, that I'm better off single. It was miserable the last few months, to be honest. Now I have less to deal with, but there are still doubts, nagging thoughts, wonderings... I won't go into that, though.

I was just starting to feel better when my parents called a while ago. They started off the conversation saying how glad they were that I was coming home this weekend, was it Friday at 10 when they'll be picking me up? And then they asked if they could borrow a few dollars for gas money. Yeah... I don't blame them. They've got half a tank of gas and $15 to last them until next Thursday. They can't afford a trip down here to get me, no matter how badly they want to see me and I want to go home.

And I really, really want to go home. There's just something nice and comforting about it. I haven't been home in about a month. I think that's the longest I've gone. I was looking forward to going to the play this weekend, seeing friends, just being in Brainerd.... But, no. No home for me. At this point I actually did start crying.

Not only was I thinking about how I was denied my visit home, but how much my parents' lives must suck not having any money at all, and having to disappoint me by telling me no. And then... I may have to help them get by this summer with whatever I make, which means I won't be able to save money to pay for school next year, or anything else I need... And how much the world sucks for people who don't have money, and how poverty is a vicious cycle, and that I'm never going to rise above it and probably have to drop out of school and get a job and be no better than my parents... and, and... *screams*

It's just one of those days where everything seems hopeless and pointless. Everyone has them. Today just happened to be the day when everything hit me at once and I collapsed. I want to give up, but know there are still good things in my life, and that it will get better. I hope. It has to.

I'll stop now. There's more I could write, but if I want to retain a shred of sanity, I should probably just stop thinking about it.

Moving!

2007-06-12T12:04:00.001-07:00

Hello, everyone! Sara and I have combined blogs, so I shall now be posting over on hers, which is significantly prettier and fancier than mine. If you don't know the address already, it is http://gregariousmime.blogspot.com/.

Please forward all comments, complaints, postcards, and other forms of mail to my new address. It shall reach me there.

I don't have the heart to delete this one, since I've written so much on it, so it will still be here.

Shopping!

2007-06-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

Things I bought for our dorm:
2 sets of 10 blue hangers
Short green trash can
Toaster ($7! Ha!)
2 pink and green stripey towels
2 pink and green stripey washcloths
Black down comforter
Purple sheets/pillowcases
Silver desk lamp
White laundry basket (Which quite nicely holds everything else I bought.)
Set of 4 13 oz. orange tumblers
Two orange plates
4 orange bowls
6 each of forks, knives, and spoons
1 super-firm pillow

Still to buy:
Squishy chair
Printer
Plastic storage things
iPod
Various other smallish things, like laundry detergent, etc

Must order microfridge thing eventually....

Am I forgetting anything?

It's Been a While

2007-06-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

Looking at the calendar... Yeah, it's been quite a while since the last time I posted. The time since graduation has actually been pretty busy, which is impressive for someone without a job. I'm debating looking for one. Money would be really nice, but I'm going to be gone for quite a few chunks of time. How likely is it that an employer would be kind enough to let me off for all of them? Unless I got a sweet job like the one working for Sara's mom again...
"I don't think I'm going to come in today."
"Ok! Have fun!"
Doesn't happen with regular jobs, I'm afraid.

Let's see. I've got the Dive into Hamline leadership retreat June 21-24. (Yep, they decided that I can come.) The Winnipeg Folk Festival is July 5-8... Plus I would like to go to people's grad parties, hang out with friends before they and I all move away, take a trip to Valleyfair, the Renaissance Festival, do some dorm shopping... Obviously, I have no time for a job. Right? Besides, I'll be working for the rest of my life. Might as well take a summer off. Even though I took last summer off, too. But really. I started working when I was 14. Break time.

Next task... Finding a way down to Hamline. I don't trust our van to make it that far, so I'm thinking I may call my darling sister Suzy, who lives in the Cities.

Calyn moved to Illinois.

I should find out sometime this month where I'm living on campus next year. Good times. I can't say that having any particular dorm would be less appealing than having another. I think most of them at Hamline are decent. (Please, God, not the Health and Wellness floor... )

I have most of my stuff sorted out for next year. Minus a loan or two. I'll get around to that eventually. Maybe one of them today.

I cleaned my room. (Kind of.) If organizing random piles of stuff and throwing away mountains of unneeded paperwork counts as cleaning. There's more floor space now that the piles of books are neater.

On that note... How am I to decide which books to bring with me? I came to the conclusion that I will not bring my own bookshelf so as to bring all of my books. It's not realistic, and I won't read them all. I'll just bring my favorites. Must also decide how much of my wardrobe to bring. Do all of the little porcelain figurines, action figures, and various other shiny objects and random souvenirs need to come? Ugh. I'm going to have to sort through my entire life, it seems.

I should probably go start doing some of that. Maybe I'll take out that Wells Fargo student loan online, or make a list of things I need to buy...

You May Now Begin to Panic

2007-05-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

I graduate tomorrow.
....
....
....

Waiting for it to hit me.
Here it comes....
Ready...

BOOM!

Noo!! *runs in circles* You can't make me! I won't go!
But I want to go. It'll be exciting. New places, new friends, new things in general.
But I don't want to! Must leave old friends, family, boyfriend...
*runs in circles some more*
*gnaws on arm*

That about sums up my thoughts. Excited, yet scared. Proud of myself for graduating (with distinction at that), but depressed that I have to leave. Will we all really keep in touch? I don't want to lose all of the friends I have. I love my friends. Can a long-distance relationship work? Without one of us going insane? (That one probably being me.) The song I'm listening to isn't helping at all. Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing.

Lalalalala....
I don't know. Maybe it will be great, and everything will work out. We'll all stay friends, visit each other, not drift away.

I'm going to cry tomorrow at graduation. I know I will. I'll try really hard not to, and to hide it. I almost cried at Melby's retirement party, the band banquet, during lang today when Niemi gave her final advice and such to us. Or maybe I won't cry until grad blast. But that will be fun. I'll put all of the depressing thoughts away until I get home. Must look happy in public.

All of my family will be there. Mostly. One sister may not be able to get off work in time. She'll try. She'll probably be late. Trying to organize all of the siblings is obnoxious. None of them ever answer their bloody phones. I should probably go try Shane again...

Or maybe I'll go stand in the rain. Wait, it stopped raining. I can roll in a puddle. Kind of close. Or maybe hide under my bed, in the closet, in Canada...

Yo Ho...

2007-05-26T10:18:00.001-07:00

Yo ho, haul together, hoist the colours high! Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die!

So, I liked the new Pirates movie. Much better than the second, but still not quite as original and witty as the first, dialogue-wise. I won't go into specifics out of respect for anyone who has yet to see it. (Although I'm pretty sure almost everyone who reads my blog has. I was sitting with three of you! :D) Jace just had to keep going about what happened at school... so I knew what was coming. Phooey. Oh well. Still good.

The choir concert was good, as well. Windfall had excellent vocals, although they really could have used more energy. (I'm not being mean, Sara! It was true.) They all looked bored, except for maybe Christine and KoreAnn. Bards was marvelous. When a group has lightsabers and plastic swords and shields on stage... Yeah, I loved it. They were the only ones to get a standing ovation. Chorale was alright, Herd of Bananas good, Acapella awesome as always. I really liked the Australian song.

In other news... Target did not hire me. I got a postcard in the mail.
"Michelle,
Hello, thanks for taking the time to apply with us. While we're unable to offer you a position at this time, we do appreciate your interest in Target."
I don't think I'm going to try too hard to find another job. There's a lot of stuff I want to/need to do this summer that would be difficult with a full-time job.
The Things They Carried came in the mail today. I can start reading that now.
I got $170 in the mail from various relatives for graduation. Yay family! They're all very proud of me, apparently.
I'm excited to go to the cast party at Nicole's today. Jace is bringing Risk! Yay! That'll be good for at least 3 hours of amusement. And cussing... Back-stabbing, secret alliances, mock hatred, death, anger... Ah, such a good game!

Right then. Must eat, take a shower, and get ready to go. Should probably call Sara eventually, too.

Sleepy....

2007-05-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

Maybe naps aren't such a good idea. I still haven't completely woken up from my 2 hour one. *slaps self* Nope, that didn't help. Oh well. I'll become un-drowsy eventually.

I saw Sarah and Rianna both Friday night at the band concert. Yay! And Sarah and James yesterday at the movie theater. Crystal is also back. Life is good! Hehe.

So, today I did useful things.
I emailed my application for the leadership weekend. (They think I don't know what close reading and critical thinking are. How cute! They're even making me journal.)
Ordered the summer reading program book on Amazon.com.
Did homework.
Finished Stafford loan application, told parents to mail it.
Signed Master Promissory Note thingy online, after spending a very long time reading it. Very repetitive. I learned that if I die, my loans will be discharged. Nice to know.
Read some more of Slaughterhouse-Five. Such an uplifting book. So it goes.
Watched Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Good movie.
Watched part of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
Took a nap.

I didn't, however, put away my clean clothes. Guess I'll be digging for something to wear tomorrow. Oh well. So it goes.

Poetry!

2007-05-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

I like this poem.

The Dream Ship

I want to go aboard my ship, and sail and sail away-
To see the whales a-spouting and the porpoises at play;
To meet Atlantic rollers with their wild and mighty
sweep-
I want to know the dangers and the wonders of the deep.

I want to see tall icebergs, all a-sparkle, drifting by
With surf about their buttresses, and their spires against the
sky,
To make my voyage northwards till we're fast amid the floe
Where the white bear prowls around us, hunting seals
across the snow.

I want to land on coral isles, far in the ocean blue,
To battle round the dreadful Horn as all stout seamen do.
But since I'm not quite old enough I sometimes dream
instead,
And make myself adventures though they're only in my
head.

W.K. Holmes
From The Book of 1,000 Poems.

hums

2007-05-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

Lalalalalala.... Lalala... Bored... Lalala....

Free time. Imagine that. But now I'm just sitting and staring into space. Or at the tv screen, for the last few hours. I watched Man in the Iron Mask, and then Clueless. Clueless really is better than it seems, since it is based on Emma. If you look hard enough, you can see it. Sort of like Bridget Jones' Diary being based on Pride and Prejudice. I actually caught that one without having anyone tell me about it. After all, the love interest is named Mr. Darcy, and interestingly enough, played by Colin Firth, who played Darcy in the BBC Pride and Prejudice mini-series. I may need a life.

So, I got another letter from Hamline today. They have invited me to apply for the "DIVE! Into Hamline" weekend leadership retreat. All kinds of fun stuff, apparently. "Leadership building activities." Do I want to go? It might be fun, and a good way to get myself noticed. (Well, I suppose they don't invite everyone to it, so I've been noticed already. Or do they?) Did you go, Rianna? Or have you heard anything about it? If I apply, I am required to go if they accept me. Sara? Did you get an "invitation to apply?" Hmm. We'll see.

I don't really feel like doing any homework. I have spanish, and an full-length AP Lang exam to complete, compliments of Niemi. I know I'm going to get a 5, she knows I'm going to get one. Do I really need to jump through the hoop? I hate hoops. *sighs and jumps anyway*

The Euro test was fun... ish. My arm hurt after 2 solid hours of essay writing, but I'll live. I feel pretty good about it. Should be a 5. Stats... Eh. Maybe a 3, but I wouldn't be surprised if I got a 2. The multiple choice really wasn't that bad, and neither were the first 5 open-ended questions. Just the last one was nasty. Evil even. Oh well. Don't care.

Sara, I finished Wicked. You're right, the end isn't very good. She just goes pyscho and does things her character wouldn't have earlier in the book. Silly Elphaba. Overall, though, it's not a bad book. Better than Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife, which I still haven't even attempted to finish.

I'm working on Slaughter-House Five. Very interesting so far. But, I think I am in more of a Jane Austen mood. Screw homework. I'm going to read Pride and Prejudice.

Just For the Heck of It

2007-05-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't made any interesting posts in a while, so I thought I would. Or I don't feel like sleeping yet. One of the two.
So, news in my life.
The play is over. I am now lost after school. Time to do homework? What's that? Doesn't matter. I'm still not doing it when I should. Why yes, I think I'll start my homework at 8 or 9 pm. Sounds fun to me!
AP tests. Ugh. I have this odd sort of feeling that I'm not concerned enough over them. Lang I know I can get a 5 in, especially because I'll be extra careful this time not to misread essay questions. (Damn you, AP lit!)
Euro... eh, not worried. I'm still studying for that more than anything else, of course, just because 600 years includes a lot of stuff. You know... Crusades to, say... the fall of the Soviet Union. Good times.
Stats is another story. I should probably be studying, but I'm not. My theory is that if I didn't understand it before, I probably won't get it in several sessions of desperate cramming. I'm hoping for a 3, but won't be horribly surprised if I fail. (Oh, just let me say it, Pat. There is a very good chance that I will fail, and you know it. No use trying to improve my self-confidence or anything like that.) 21 out of 40 on a practice test isn't horribly promising.

Graduation is approaching rather quickly. Am I nervous? Yeah. I figure most sane people are. I have yet to muddle through Financial Aid and all of that good stuff. Registration received by Hamline.... I really hope my housing card is in our post office box. If my parents would actually pick up the mail... *mutters*
Sent out the first round of grad announcements, decided who gets to come from my family. I can't find a phone number or address for one brother, so I'm thinking of just giving his seat to the other brother. The one who actually gives a damn, even though he lives in Wyoming. If the first one complains, it's his own bloody fault.

Hmm. That's about it in a rather large-ish nutshell. I should probably sleep, since there's a Euro study session around 7 tomorrow morning.

New Number

2007-05-02T17:06:00.000-07:00

Since my parents saw fit to give me the graduation present of a shiny new Razr phone... (Yay!) I have a new phone number. I emailed it to those whom I believe would want it. If I missed you or you didn't get it, let me know, and I'll send you the new number. I'm not so dumb as to post it online. My old phone, and hence my old number, now belongs to my father. If you call my old number, you'll get him. He's very nice, really, but not me, unfortunately. :P I have everyone's numbers transferred into the new one. *nod* It took a frickin' long time. Right then. Euro chapter. Must read that.

Pat- I texted you from my new phone, so I figured you could store it. If you didn't get it... I'll give it to you tomorrow. Assuming I have it memorized by then. Shall work on that.

Into the Woods!

2007-04-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

I thought I would show you all Task One, Question Six. (What alter-ego would you assume?) I'm rather proud of it.

It is her first day on her own. She feels excited to be free of society's demands, and alone with nature. For many years she has wanted to break away from the plastic world and its people to find what is real- to find herself. The traveler also feels a little silly writing about herself in the third person, but realizes she doesn't care. This is merely one more way to throw off the oppressive shackles of society. You have nothing to lose but your chains! She thinks Marx was smarter than most give him credit for. Perhaps, if she returns to society, she will become a communist. Another way to rebel against fake American society. Or she will just stay in the woods. Today she has started to construct a dwelling for herself high in the branches of a tree, thinking of the Galadhrim in The Lord of the Rings. This is not as easy as it looks. Lugging materials up into tree very taxing. Fell out of tree twice. No serious injury, other than bone protruding from arm. If this venture is unsuccessful, as it is shaping to be, plan B will take effect. Will dig a hole in the ground and live as a hobbit instead of in a tree like the elves. Much easier. Maybe hobbits survived longer in books because they did not fall out of trees. In any case, she will decide tomorrow. Attempts to fashion bow and arrows fail miserably. The voyager may need to set snares for unsuspecting woodland creatures. She regrets having to kill animals, as they might be taught to speak. Much better company than humans and orcs. She has yet to locate the colony of elves she believes to be living in secret in the woods. Their songs are heard at night. Such heavenly singing, far beyond that of any mortal! There is a racoon digging through her lembas, which she must go chase away with her sword.

-Elf-friend
April 2007

I start off seriously... but then realize I don't want to be serious. She said to be creative, so I was... *cough* Delusional girl who thinks she is an elf. Hey, it's what I'd be doing if I scampered off into the woods. Chris McCandless was obsessed with Jack London, I am obsessed with Tolkien. Same general idea, right? People who take their obsessions with authors and ideas a bit too seriously. I can see the connection, anyway. Hopefully Niemi is amused. The rest of my mini-essays will be good to make up for this one.

Fire!

2007-04-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

I'm having a bonfire. You're all welcome to join me.

*throws following items into pile to be lit*
Into the Wild
Critical reading journal
Miscellaneous AP lang worksheets
Random Euro readings
Euro terms sheets
The entire pile of random music in the music library that is unexplainable
Carmina Burana
The Blues Roar (so the first clarinets can't attempt the high G)
Everything in AP stats folder
AP stats book
Useless spanish worksheets and assignments
Script
Gels for lights (I don't know if they burn, but I've seen them melt. If nothing else, I'll have a "bastard amber" flame.)
AP test forms and answer sheets
Financial aid folder
Assorted forms and "must be filled out" thingers

Feel free to contribute to my pile.
*goes to fetch matches, and possibly the blow torch from the theatre*

Fall 2007

2007-04-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

Since Albrecht very graciously allowed me to not go to practice today, I had time to sit down, read through all of the class registration stuff from Hamline, and choose my first semester classes.

Here is what I have:

FYSEM Top Choice:
Ancient Greek Myths as a Source of History
Alternatives:
A Second Look (art)
Collision of Two Hemispheres (right-brain/left-brain)
Contemporary American Theatre (self-explanatory)
The Search for Utopia (also self-explanatory, mostly)

Phooey on writing-intensive FYSEM. The other ones sound more interesting, and a freshman English class could be fun. Maybe I'll feel smart.

Fall Credit Courses (Minus the FYSEM):
Writing and Reading Texts
Intermediate Spanish 1
Intro to Latin American History (This one takes care of 3 Hamline Plan requirements at once. Score!)

Alternate Course Selections:
Intro to Anthropology
Logic
General Philosophy
General Pyschology

Additional Courses:
Hamline Winds (Band!)

Total Credits: 17
12 needed to be full-time, 15 if you're getting a Minnesota Grant, which I am. I'm good. I'm considering clarinet lessons, too, to help with those pesky fine arts requirements and avoid a studio art class.
Also avoiding math. Shall take Logic instead.
Unavoidable: Lab science of some kind. Shall take Physics for Poets, perhaps. Science for right-brainers, yes?

I can avoid many intro level classes in my possible major (history) and minor (art history) with APUSH, Euro, and art history. English not acceptable to do away with freshman english, but can count toward a degree. Meaning I don't need to take American or Brit Lit. I love AP.

Oh, and I added anthropology as a possible major and/or minor. It sounds fun. I can be like Josh Bernstein.
Muahahaha.

The Halls of Learning

2007-04-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

"The instrument (the mechanical clock) presently spread outside the monastery; and the regular striking of the bell brought a new regularity into the life of the workman and the merchant... Time-keeping passed into time-serving and time-accounting and time-rationing. As this took place, Eternity ceased gradually to serve as the measure and focus of human actions."
-Lewis Mumford, Technics and Civilization

So true... Time-serving, time-rationing... That seems to be all I'm doing lately. This and this must be done tomorrow, this needs to be done next week, this should be turned in three weeks, 4 days, and 7 hours from now. I will spend exactly 3 hours at drama practice, 3 hours doing homework, one hour to organize my collegiate life, 7 hours sleeping... It goes on and on. Everything is deadlines!

I really don't blame Niemi for being so flexible (and yes, wishy-washy) on due dates and deadlines anymore. Not knowing can be nice. It leaves some room for breathing.

Just remember.... "You Can't Take it With You."
*wise nod*

Anyway... That lovely quote came from a multiple choice test that Niemi sent home with us to enlighten our young minds. I really liked that one. I wrote the essay, too, which I'm pretty sure falls just short of brilliantly written. I will make up for the Joan of Arc essay. Niemi agreed that it was my worst yet. (Still a 6, but I can do a lot better.) I didn't defend or challenge. I'm not completely sure I qualified, either... I just took a nice middle route. European history is the best class I've ever taken for random philosophers and information to pull out and use as evidence. I used Descartes, Locke, and Kant. All lovely men, and ones whose work I could use to make my argument sound more intelligent. Good old Euro.

I suppose I should go get ready for that presentation in Euro tomorrow, then? It will be an experiment for me. This is the first time I've done anything like this in the class since I've decided to be a history teacher. Do I have it in me? We shall see. I learned last semester that I'm perfectly fine in front of Sra. Wiger's class. Peterson's? Hmm...

(Random note to Rianna and Sara: I got my class registration stuff from Hamline in the mail. Any suggestions or advice? I haven't looked at it that closely yet. I skimmed, since I was pressed for time to start homework. I'll get to it eventually! Oh! There's a FYSEM called "Writing Through Darkness!" Fun? I think so. Must do that one... Also gets me out of freshman English class. Good times.)

Minnesota Again

2007-04-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

It's pretty darn cold here compared to California. This was very obvious last night walking to the car in a prom dress. I didn't even get tan in Cali. *mutter* Ah well. It was fun. I'd write about it, but there's so much that I'd be typing for a long time. I won't do that, since I have all of the homework I didn't do all week to do today. I'm even skipping drama. Muahahaha. (It's not that rebellious. Albrecht told me last week I don't need to go today.)

I have some shiny new things, I bought shiny things for other people, I had several of my new shiny things break... And a huge pile of crap on my floor and in my bags yet that I need to sort through and put away. Apparently this is called "unpacking." I don't wanna.... I wanna go back to sleep!

Prom was lovely. Much better than last year. The DJ was significantly better than last year's, there was no group drama this year (I don't even remember what last year's was, but there was something), no one played Egyptian Rat Race at the table, I got to see Crystal, I actually had a date... Yes. Very lovely.

On another note, I'm screwed up through the end of April. I'm missing 2 and a half days of school the week I get back from missing 4. (State KB, drama practice) And then, of course, drama is going to be insane now. Homework? Life outside of drama? Bah! Albrecht sees no need for this. Yes, she wants the show to be good... But seriously!

Right then. Shower, lunch, unpack, homework. It was nice knowing you all.

Later Edit: So my day was more like:
Sit at computer, add pics to Facebook, tag people in said pics
Eat Lunch
Take 2 1/2 hour nap
Take Shower
Unpack/Clean room
Waste more time by browsing the internet and watching Harry Potter 3 on tv.
Attempt stats homework. Finish 2 activities and reading questions, give up on stats homework.
Waste more time online (I am in this stage right now)
Read more of Into the Wild, while praying that I don't need to have a presentation ready tomorrow.
Read Wicked
Sleep
Screw the rest.

Adios!

2007-04-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

*sings*
So long, farewell, auf wiedershen, adieu! Adieu! Adieu! To you and you and you!

Off to California in a mere 4 hours from now. It'll be fun. Long... but fun.

*sings again*
Happy Birthday to me! Happy Easter to me! Happy band tour to me! Happy Sunday to me!

I'll miss you all while I'm gone! Those that aren't going, anyway. Who wants souvenirs? What kind? Preferably something cheap, if you don't mind! :D I'd imagine that things in California are expensive. But that's alright. I will inevitably buy myself something shiny. I was a magpie in a past life, in case you were wondering.

Whee! Off I go! There are a few small things left to pack, I must get dressed, possibly take a nap...

See you all later! Hugs!

Pat: I have a plan! I don't need to call from the hotel, which would make it late at night here in Minnesota. Monday I can call while we're on the Walk of Fame and eating. That'll be between 7 and 8:30 pm Minnesota time. *nod* Tuesday we're out on Catalina all day, so I can call sometime after school and drama here. What's a good time to shoot for Minnesota-wise? 7? I'll go with that. Much better than 10, anyway. Wednesday is Disney, so again, I can pick a random time to call while we're there. Thursday I could call while we're at Old Town, which we're at from 4-8, or 6-10 Minnesota. Yep yep. Friday... Travelling day. I probably won't be able to call at a decent time for you that day, unless it's some time at the airport. We'll see. If I'm doing that, should I call your cell, then? Hmm. Maybe I should just call you right now...

Whee!

2007-04-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

*bouncebouncebouncebouncebounce*
*bouncebouncebouncebouncebounce*
California! Soon! Yay!
Somewhere where there isn't snow... and it's warm...
Woohoo!

And birthday soon, too. My parents are so lame. They told me what they're getting me already. Thanks, guys. So much for the element of surprise. Eh, well, I do need a watch. It works. I figure if someone gets me chocolate, I'm happy. Chocolate might be kind of melty in California, though. If it melted (and hence was liquid) would they let me bring it on the plane? Beware of the explosives that look like melted chocolate! It's a new terrorist plot!

I'm not looking forward to spending most free time on tour doing homework. Bleh. Spanish is done, thanks to one majorly long spanish homework session last night. Euro shouldn't be too bad, I just need to read two chapters. (Heh.) Lang, just need to get halfway-ish into Into the Wild and do some note taking. Stats... Evil! I hate math. Have I said that lately? Well, I do. Screw you, math. I don't need you in the future. I can count. I'm good.

On the upside, I get 500 cell phone minutes in California, so I can call people every night. Well, I can call Pat. :) Most of the other people I'd call will be there with me.

Random note... Logging on is much easier if you can spell your own email address.... It took me a few tries.

Ramblings

2007-04-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

Sundays are boring boring boring. All there is to do is homework. Homework that's been put off the rest of the week, and now you have no choice but to do it otherwise you deserve to have your teachers execute you by firing squad. (Yes, that was purposely a run-on sentence. Screw grammar.) I think the WWI chapter is getting to me with all of these violent thoughts... I decided that it must be the German in me that desires world domination. Just look at Germany.

Church this evening was interesting. I felt like a complete hypocrite yet again. It was, however, a lovely time for quiet thought. Very relaxing. Comfortable pew, soothing music, soothing voice of the pastor, slightly tired me, and... Oops! Was I supposed to stay awake? I remember something about feet washing. Hmm. Wonder what it was.

So, usually on Sundays there are good things on the History Channel. I watched a bit of Josh this morning, but then had to go to homework. I tuned into the tv guide with the specific purpose of clicking onto the History Channel.
"I bet there's something good on the History Channel!"
A few seconds later: "Ooh... Pirates of the Caribbean."
*click, brain turns off as I stare at Johnny Depp and watch the amazing pirates*
"Down to the depths with whatever madmen thought up 'Parley!'"
"That would be the French."
Good old French. Always there to amuse me.

It also occurred to me today that in exactly one week I will be 19. God, I'm old. I can feel the arthritis setting in already. Oh! Is that a grey hair? It might be!

Things I Would Like for My Birthday:
-World Domination
Or
-A small country to "occupy and administer" as my own. (Euro fans will recognize that one.)
-College to magically pay for itself.
Or
-The government to declare all college education is free.
Or
-Someone to worry about financial aid and loans for me. (My brain doesn't work that way.)
In the event that you cannot provide any of the above-listed things, I will accept the following:
-Creative gifts
-Something along the lines of "surprise me."
If those, too, prove impossible, I will, with greatest reluctance, accept the following:
-Shiny objects (Also included in this category are bright, sparkly, and generally "Ooh, pretty" objects.)
-Books (Preferably not one I already have. Good luck.)
-Chocolate
-Anything that isn't a vegetable. Especially not lettuce. I hate lettuce.

Waxing Poetic

2007-03-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

Today is a very good day for poetry. The mention of Shakespeare at the end of drama got me thinking about his sonnets. So, of course, I had to dig out my "Treasury of Best-Loved Poems." Six of his sonnets are in there. While reading, I wondered how anyone could despise Shakespeare. (*cough*Pat*cough*) Just read this one. It's lovely.

#29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee- and then my state,
Like to the lark at the break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Doesn't it just make you feel all warm and fuzzy? I feel warm and fuzzy. And now, I believe I shall go read some more poetry before I go to sleep.

"Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight, 'til it be morrow!"

I Had a Dream

2007-03-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

I really did. It was a rather frightening dream. For me, anyway... Pathetic for others. I dreamt that Mr. Peterson made us take the chapter 26 test the day we got back from break, without telling us we would have it that day. Of course, no one had actually read the thing. I wrote an essay about how much I disliked Peterson and how much of a jerk he was and handed it in. Amazingly, we got our scores back that very same hour. The highest grade in the class was 11%. I don't think it was even me... So, what did I do today? Started reading the chapter. This one is going quickly, because it's events leading up to WWI. All through reading I kept visualizing a giant Risk board...

Oh, and in that dream Tirth was mad at me because I let our knowledge bowl team down over something. Apparently I was trying to beg my way into a better Euro grade and missed practice, or something like that. After that, Albrecht was hunting me down for something. Sra. Maine may have been after me, too, because she was angry I can't tutor the Tomlinson girl. Feel free to tell me I need a life.

Anyway, today was my homework day. I wrote my spanish essay and typed it. I looked at the question for the lang essay, wanted to cry, reread the two stories, and started writing. Still wanted to cry two pages in when I realized it was all pointless. It was more of a violent reaction than wanting to cry, actually. I wanted to burn it and the two readings. I'll be typing that tomorrow. I almosted regretted not doing an outline or some form of planning, because there was so much to cover. I never do outlines. Occasionally I'll jot down a rough thesis and main ideas, but generally I just go with the flow. With this lovely essay I wandered all over the place, hoping to catch everything I needed to, and using words from the question to make it seem like I'd said something useful or important. Yep. I wonder how I always get good grades...

I'm bored again. So bored I may go read more Euro chapter, because it doesn't look like we got our half-baked bowling and Applebee's plot moving. No one has called me, at least. Still in my pajamas at 7:17 pm. Ah well. It's kind of nice to not go anywhere.

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Sara!

I'm Bringing Sexy Back...

2007-03-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

Random title, I know. I actually like that song just a little bit, but sshh! You can't tell anyone. I don't like Justin Timberlake. Nasty fellow. I feel like I should be dancing to that song in my new dress. Well, maybe not. But I like it very much. It's very classic- black, chic, shiny silver diamondy things along the collar (well, the halter bit of it) and across the front in a nice line. It's very 1940's or 1950's. Or maybe 1920's. I don't know my fashion decades. I also got some snazzy black gloves to go with it, a black purse with shiny bits on it, and some shiny barrettes. I gave up on the shoes. I'll borrow some from Sara or Jessica. The pink dress looked very bad on me... It looked like cake. Not good. One blue one looked like a nightgown, another blue one was decent, but the exact same design as my Christmas ball dress in a different color. The gold one was nice, but the black was nicer. Shutting up about dresses now.

The trip itself was fun. Any trip with 7 slightly hyper girls in one vehicle will be amusing. Especially if you add in using about 1/4 of my text messages for the month in one day. I think it was more than that, actually... Oh well. It was worth it! Panera food was tasty, traipsing about Crossroads was lovely. Sara made up a new word. "Selfibalism." The exact quote was something like "That's not canibalism... That's... Selfibalism!" Don't ask. Another quote from a tired me: "Nooo! Off is the other way! Take them off!" Sara had draped a huge pile of gold necklaces over my head, they got stuck on my face, and were itchy. I wanted them off. Great times.

In other news, I got my financial aid award letter from Hamline today, along with housing information. Must send in deposit soon...
Summary (On a yearly basis)
Total Cost, including tuition, room and board, miscellaneous expenses:
$35,206.
Son of a...! *expletive*
Scholarships, Grants:
$21,123.
I don't have to pay that much back to anyone. Not bad. That's over half.
Must be paid back eventually, but could be worse:
Fed. Perkins and Stafford loans
$5,900
Other loans... (Here the rich aunt will come in, methinks.)
$2,592
Student Employment/Work study:
$3,000
Altogether... They've given me ways to pay for all of it, and I don't have to pay as much back as other people do. It could be a hell of a lot worse. (It could be a full ride, like Sara has... But not everyone is so amazing!) I can manage it, I suppose. I'll only spend a decade or so paying back student loans. My dad still has outstanding loans, and he's almost 60. *shrug* It works. I might get some of those school scholarships, too.

I'm wearing those black gloves as I type. It's fun.

yawn

2007-03-20T19:47:00.000-07:00

I'm bored.

Really bored.

Can I go back to drama practice now? Or anywhere, for that matter? I could technically do homework, but I don't really feel like it. I could also practice clarry... Don't want to. I was reading for a while. I'm out of new books, so I'm rereading Trickster's Choice. I should have gotten Tamora Pierce's new book while I was at Barnes and Noble. Oh well. I shall get along.

I never realized how tasty water really is. I was really thirsty just a few minutes ago, so I went and fetched my water bottle from the fridge. Ahhh. Refreshing! It's almost gone though. This makes me sad. If I refill it, it won't be as cold and refreshing.

Yes, I realize that I need a life. I did something useful. I read through the script that is now mine (I even licked it to claim it) and wrote in where we'll need lighting changes and such. Must learn how to work buttons in bat cave... I straightened it up today, and sorted through the lights to see which ones work and which don't. So, you see, I actually did something that's part of my official job. And something useful. I got to use power tools! Sara and I both with power tools, in close vicinity to one another... Dumb? Nah. We're still alive.

Kelly Clarkson music is fun. "He's so beautiful... Such a beautiful disaster..." I'm singing along loudly. My mom hasn't told me to shut up, so that's a good sign. Not too off-key! Odd. Two Kelly songs came up in a row on shuffle. What is the probability of that? Don't care.

Lonely... So lonely....

Whoa, something just popped up on my screen. That shouldn't happen. Or was I just seeing things? When I start seeing snakes, it's time to lay down... Hahahahaha.

Look! I'm about to leave a secret message!
Hello, Pat! Why do you always lurk and never comment? That's creepy, you know. People might think you're stalking them.

snicker

2007-03-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

First of all... Sara, are you sure you'd want me as a roommate? Look at this lovely site I found:
http://gwally.com/pranks/archives/cat_home_dorm.php
If I were ever to get mad... Although I suppose you have the link now, too. Oh well! These make me laugh, and are saved to my favorites.

I have decided that my mind has been polluted by my friends. It may have been polluted before, perhaps, but it is much more obvious now. I could blame Rent, too. But I prefer to blame Logan. More fun that way. Muahahaha.
This story is evidence of this. I was multi-tasking just a bit ago, talking to one of my plaza friends, and browsing through the forums. I happened to just glance at someone's username on the screen, and was completely convinced that I saw the word "dildo." I mentioned this to my friend, which we had a good laugh over. We then decided (well, I did) that it would be a fairly decent hobbit name. Bilbo.... Dildo. Fairly similar, right? He then came up with the name "Dildo Faggins." Incredibly innappropriate and offensive, but hilarious. I'm still laughing. It would be even more hilarious if someone registered under that name on the plaza and tried to post. You see, the plaza has this "family-friendly" policy... Hehehe... Oh, the possibilities...

This is what happens when you're tired and a bit silly. Lesson of the day- Do not misread things! It is bad, children. Very bad.

(Random note: Do not mishear, either. I just caught part of a phrase from CSI in the living room. "... the infamous felon Dain Hanson..." It was actually Darren Hanson. Hmm. Odd how that works. Must sleep.)

Intruder Alert! Everyboy Run! Or... Go Sit in the Corner?

2007-03-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

I found yesterday's intruder/lockdown drill at school incredibly amusing. Once I got past the fact that it was cutting into my test time for stats... The thing was 20 minutes long. Many people use the entire hour to test. Sucks to be them.

So, we had a substitute teacher, since Pelkey was gone. She was not quite sure what to do. We at first tried convincing her that it was, indeed, a drill, since we had heard about it already.
"Oh, but you never know for sure that it's a drill! Everyone go stand in the corner!"
"But we know-"
"Go stand in the corner!"
"But we really need to take this test."
"We know it's a drill."
"Go stand in the corner!"
We, like the obedient children we are, went to stand in the corner.
About the logic of this, I am not sure.
The corner is right across from the door, which, incidentally, does not lock. Should an intruder come near Pelkey's room, he or she would find a door easy to open, and all of the students standing in a clump right across from it. Easy target? I think so. He'd have to use less bullets that way. (Sara- Morbid! Haha.)

After a few moments it occurred to me that we still had the lights on. We're apparently supposed to turn them off. And so, I spoke quite clearly over the chatter and sound of Mike watching Family Guy on his PSP "I think we're supposed to turn the lights off!" It took three times doing this for her to hear me. This was after I had given up on the test and started enjoying myself.
I was fairly amused to think that if there really was an intruder, we would all likely be dead. I'd have a better chance than others, of course. I was in the very back behind everyone else. Their bodies would shield me. You missed a great time, Pat, with your skipping class to get out of the test... :P

I came to a conclusion. If there was actually an intruder, I would go to the band room. That place is airtight! Those huge, heavy, metal doors on one side, and double doors on the other... It would take a lot of effort to get in there if they were all locked. There are the practice rooms, too, to hide in. And if you got really desperate... Find a tuba case, take out the tuba, and get in. In a pinch, I figure a tuba case could hold two smallish people, if they don't mind getting a little close. Instrument cases are tough, too. Clarry's case is damn near impenetrable. I've put it through enough over the years for something of lesser quality to sustain heavy damages. The tuba cases must be just the same.

To the band room!

Naps, French Fries, and The Backstreet Boys

2007-03-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

All of those things have made me happier today. Not completely happy, because the day is just too crappy for that, but happier. I got home from school and decided that I would have a mental breakdown if I didn't take a nap. I was probably right, because I felt considerably better after that nap. The french fries were brought to me by my lovely parents. There's nothing like salty junk food to improve your outlook on life. As for the Backstreet Boys, well... That music always makes me happy.

If you haven't guessed, I've not had the best of days. I'm not completely sure what's wrong with me, but I'm going with stress. School has decided to be really nasty, dumping all sorts of tests and assignments on me. The assignments in Spanish class are especially pointless and redundant. I don't care if other people need them to understand the grammar and memorize the vocabulary. I got it the first time! I despise busy work... Spanish class was what pushed me over that cliff today. Yes, Sra. Maine, let's give the students 3 assignments, a test to study for, and.. oh? What's that? An essay in the near future? @#$%&*#! (That was my general thought process near the end of the day.)

After resisting the urge to curl up in a corner and cry, I went to knowledge bowl. I felt kind of bad for scaring my teammates. Apparently when I'm in a bad mood I actually look pretty frightening. Dens probably didn't deserve that glare which had the other fellows looking at me oddly. Michelle something other than cheerful and pleasant? Is it really possible? He shouldn't have stolen my purple pen. I am very attached to that pen.

Spring break... Spring break... Only two more days! That is the main thought keeping me going at this point. Just two more days, and I get a whole week to pointedly not fry my brains with studying. Only four more tests, and then no more until, umm... The vocab test in lang the day we go back. There is a two chapter Euro test tomorrow, along with the Ch. 10 stats test. The one happy thought with that is that I'm fairly confident I won't fail. For me in math, that's pretty impressive. Friday we have a spanish test (not horribly worried, but will probably still study), and another stats test. The second stats test will probably wipe out any positive effect the previous one has on my grade. Oh well. I'll live. Or go cry in the corner.

I'm probably being too melodramatic about all of this. After all, everyone has these days, right? I should just shut up and deal with it.

300...

2007-03-11T17:42:00.000-07:00

I had all of these comments about the movie thought out yesterday, but I've forgotten them now. Pity. Instead, I shall give you a linky to a plaza discussion about the movie, which I joined. http://www.lotrplaza.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=215773
1000 brownie points to the person who can point out which one is me. (It's kind of long-ish, but I thought it was amusing... and I'm bored.)

Hmm... I did a few useful things today. I finished one of the two Euro chapters I need to read. I don't even know when the test is, though, so I should be fine for a while. Stats... I meant to do it, but I don't feel like it. That 3 hour nap was much more productive. Yep. Definitely. There are 4 worksheets I need to do, but, hey... I'm not going to that class tomorrow! I can do them tomorrow night. I practiced clarry, since Melby told me I must, since I'm missing practice tomorrow. I played all the way through all of the songs. *nod* Even all of the honors music. That stuff doesn't seem too hard, but knowing my luck it's all played at some ungodly speed.

Oh, and let me express my hatred for offbeats. Die, offbeats, die! Those should be for brass, not clarinets. Clarinets get the prettyful melodies and such. Offbeats are just... evil. Festive Overture in general is, actually. Might as well add "And the Multitude" to that one, too. I bet I'll screw those two parts up... The ones where second clarinets have the melody. Or the part in Amazing Grace where it's kind of a solo, that the other seconds are making me play. Anyway...

Knowledge bowl regions tomorrow! Yay! Time to crush the competition and win our passage to state. Is it bad that I don't have any doubts about making it? We've gone against most of the teams already, and they didn't pose any real threat. Well, there is that one Little Falls team that was ahead of us for one meet... Might have to watch them. Knowledge bowl makes me happy, because it gets me out of school. I should shut up now. Yeah. I'll do that.

You're The One That I Want... Ooh, Ooh, Ooh!

2007-03-08T19:16:00.000-08:00

The one I need... Oh yes indeed...

Right, sorry. I'm on my second time listening to that song. Make that the third time now. I love Grease. I was very excited when I saw that a group at the talent show would be performing Summer Nights. But, alas... It was not very good. I'll give them points for trying. They seem like very nice people. The thing is... In the actual song, there are more than two people singing. There are at the very least three other girls and three other guys singing with Sandy and Danny. Two people cannot possibly cover, what... Eight parts? These lovely people tried, but... They were not successful. It made me sad. They had no energy, no spark. Summer Nights needs energy.

*sigh*

The other acts weren't that bad. I quite liked a number of them. I got to run a spotlight. Kate was my light buddy, and Alicia and Ryan had the other one. Spotlights are hot. And mine was twitchy, mostly because I was twitchy. It was much better when Kate was running it, and I was, umm... "supervising." Well, actually, Alicia and I directed which way they should shift the lights. Great fun, really.

One of my plaza friends is trying to engage me in a historical debate at the moment. He is telling me that Theodora was a heretic. (He's Catholic.) Bah! Theodora was brilliant! Here is part of the conversation, for your amusement:

Jared says:
I don't liek her
Jared says:
Justinian should have married a western noble
Michelle/Cair says:
Theodora was smart
Jared says:
Too smart for her own good
Jared says:
She didn't try to stop justinian from kidnapping hte Pope
Michelle/Cair says:
are you saying women shouldn't be smart?
Jared says:
No
Jared says:
She shouldn't have been smart
Jared says:
Too much power and brain in one lady

The rest is just... silly. The conversation is still going on, and I'm giving stupid answers back, mostly because I'm too tired to give a damn.

Have a lovely night, my darlings!

Inspiration At Last!

2007-03-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

My goal for tonight was to decide on a subject for my editorial. I not only did that, but wrote the first draft. I kind of synthesized a few of my previous ideas, and added a new element. I think it sucks in its current form, actually... But, I started, which is what's important. I'm putting it up here for you to edit/criticize/poke fun at. Any constructive criticism would be appreciated. I realize that it's really rough so far, and kind of random, tangential, and disorganized. I just got general ideas and main points down. Suggestions are happy! I still need to think of a witty title of some sort, too... Anyway, here you go.

The competition in high schools has become a matter of concern. Our country is so fixated on progress and outperforming other countries that students are forced to join the madness. The choice they face is clear: Compete or be left behind.

Much of this competition comes from the need to be accepted to college. Without an impressive transcript and list of extracurricular activities, students have little chance of getting into the college or university of their choice. After all, what could a student ranked 237 in a class of 549 hope to contribute to the campus of a prestigious and highly-selective university? Seeing high school students join clubs for the sake of adding it to a list on a college application is not uncommon. The same thing has happened with volunteer and charity. Hours spent at a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter may not come from genuine sympathy for those less fortunate, but for the minimum requirement of 10 volunteer hours to get into the National Honor Society. Being a member of the National Honor Society looks awfully impressive on applications.

Students either conform to these requirements, or give up and lose all interest in academics and learning. That in itself is tragic, but there are other negative effects to the competitive atmosphere in schools. Those who do not meet the standards are left feeling inferior. A GPA of 3.0 is nothing compared to a 4.2 (possible with Advanced Placement courses and GPA bumps), and an ACT score of 23 can’t compete with a 31. In this world where individual students are measured by numbers and scores, average just doesn’t cut it anymore. (I won’t even touch the subject of standardized testing.) These students may give up on getting into the college of their dreams because others will certainly be chosen over them.

It seems that high schoolers are busy running between club meetings, volunteer opportunities, sports practices, and then home to study. Don’t get me wrong- these things can be fulfilling and worthwhile. But not if they are done for the wrong reasons. A student helping with the school blood drive because he or she genuinely wants to make a difference likely gains more from the experience than the one who came to get ahead of the competition.

Is there any alternative to this frantic activity? Ultimately, this is in the hands of America’s colleges, universities, and employers. Instead of judging students solely on scores and lists of activities, other criteria should be considered. Any number of possibilities could be implemented, but all of them would require time, money, and hard work. The spirit of capitalism and drive to compete with the rest of the world may make this all but impossible. But, there are those of us who can still hope.

Oh, What A Beautiful Morning...

2007-03-04T15:38:00.000-08:00

I'm in a good mood. How about all of you lovely people? Plenty of reasons... The Lenin reading for Euro was mercifully short (3 pages), and easy to understand. Done with that. Oh, and La Vie Boheme just came up on shuffle. *sings along happily* I'm slowly getting the words down. Do you think that sophomore KB team was channeling Mimi when they wrapped themselves in bubblewrap at the meet? Just a thought.

So... editorial for lang. I have a few ideas, but I really don't know what to go with. Here's what I've come up with:
-The importance of history. Not really sure what my main points would be, other than learning from mistakes, etc... That sort of cliche thing.
-The emphasis on math and science in schools, and how the other subjects are just as important. Could go on a nice rant about America, capitalism, and competition with this one. I could also fit in the importance of arts and foreign language.
-Poland. Go on and on about how they've been screwed over so often. Sara gave me this idea on the way back from Alex's when she wondered why anyone bothers defending Poland. It's not their fault, dammit! Austria, Prussia, Russia, and the Ottoman Empire were just too powerful for them. Even if they would have been organized, they wouldn't have had a chance. I don't think. We'll never know. I think "exploding the diet" is a lovely concept, by the way.
-Something else.
It'd be fun to use either Kant (avoiding nonage) or Hegel (thesis, antithesis, synthesis, Zeitgeist) in several of these. Niemi seems to like it when I use philosophers and other useful things picked up in Euro.

iTunes shuffle really makes me happy. I have the Spice Girls now. Should I do any more homework? Did what I understood of stats, and will ask someone for help tomorrow. I did the Lenin thesis... I suppose I could start the next Euro chapter. Or plot ways to make Logan's life miserable, since he so enjoys torturing me. He should really move on to Sara now, since she is more interesting. (No offense meant, Sra.) Right then. Off I go.

A Dream Within A Dream

2007-03-01T19:15:00.000-08:00

Here you are, Sara. 'Tis the poem I mentioned earlier today. Now you must find Alone and put it up somewhere.

A Dream Within A Dream

Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow-

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone?

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a turf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand-

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep- while I weep!

O God! can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

Just for the Sake of Posting...

2007-02-28T17:51:00.000-08:00

... And because I have nothing better to do. By "nothing better to do" I mean "I've finished the homework that is due tomorrow and am too bloody lazy to do anything else." Pat told me I should post, anyway.

So, I shall introduce you all to someone very special. His name is Josh Bernstein.

To give you some comparison... Josh Bernstein is to me as Stephen Colbert is to Rianna. Perhaps not to the same extent, but I think he's wonderful. I will marry him someday. 16 years difference in age is easy to overcome! Anyway, Josh is the host of the show Digging for the Truth on the History Channel. Here is how the History Channel website speaks of him:

Josh Bernstein, host of The History Channel hit series DIGGING FOR THE TRUTH, has infused the television documentary format with a unique sense of passion, curiosity, and adventure. Whether he's rappelling into volcanoes, hiking across glaciers, or hacking through jungles, Josh is determined to unravel the world's greatest archaeological mysteries, helping to make DIGGING FOR THE TRUTH the highest-rated original series in the history of The History Channel.

Born and raised in New York City and educated at Cornell University, Josh double majored in Anthropology and Psychology. After graduating college, Josh spent a year in a post-graduate program in Jerusalem studying, among other things, mysticism and ancient texts.

Man, that would be a sweet job. If I don't marry him, I can be part of his crew, perhaps. History, travelling, exploration... Who wouldn't want to do that every day? That is my dream job. Very unlikely to ever happen, but oh well. That is the point of dreams, yes? I can be his cameraman. Umm... camerawoman. Cameraperson! Must learn how to operate a camera...

If you want to see Josh in action, watch the History Channel Monday at 9/8 Central. Yes, I do know that off the top of my head. Yes, I watch it. I also know the web address to the History Channel website (www.history.com) without having to google it, even though it's on my favorites list.

Interesting feature- This Day in History.
On February 28th:
-1953 : Watson and Crick discover chemical structure of DNA
-1784 : John Wesley charters first Methodist Church in U.S. (That one is for you, Sara!)
-1992 : Star Trek exhibit opens (That one, too.)
-The Palace of the Popes in Avignon, France, is finished in 1362 after almost 30 years of work.
-Tamerlane (a.k.a. Timur the Lame and Tamburlaine), a descendant of Genghis Khan, becomes leader of Samarkand (located in modern-day Turkestan) in 1369. He later develops an army that will enjoy many conquests.

Here, you can see this picture, just because it's so damn cute. My little niece, Athena, and I. I took it with my webcam to show her off this summer.

Poe and Napoleon

2007-02-26T15:13:00.000-08:00

Now there are two men worth knowing! In a strictly academic sense, of course. Buying that essential Poe book helped me get us a very nice, shiny point today at Moorhead. As for Napoleon... There has been at least one question involving him in some way at every meet this year. The one we got was about Trafalgar. The one we didn't get was something about a theorem involving triangles. "What Frenchman not traditionally remembered for mathematical things came up with this theorem..." I thought it was Pascal. Pascal's wager, Pensees, philosophy. Sure, there's the triangle, which is math, but the other things are infinitely more interesting to a person like me. It was Napoleon. He came up with a theorem about triangles apparently. Who would have thought it? Not me.

Since my last post was singularly unamusing to anyone who doesn't live in my mind, I shall provide amusement for you with a quote of the day.

"I think you guys could be really competitive at state if you replaced me with Tirth."
-Laramie

Where to begin with this? Despite the slightly confusing wording, I'm assuming he meant that we should give Tirth's spot to him. Feel free to laugh if you'd like. He was perfectly and solemnly serious. Keep in mind, this was in the suburban, with Rezac in hearing range. Oh dear.

Here is the reaction to this from everyone else in the van:
Kevin and Ian were silent, as was Rezac. Dens and I exchanged significant glances. I then smiled gently, as one would with a child, shook my head, and said "We're very fond of Tirth."
In my mind my reaction was something along the lines of "Umm... Hell no! You do not even begin to compare to Tirth's genius. Scamper along now."

This exchange rather displayed a bit of ignorance and arrogance on this unfortunate fellow's part. But, he does not know our team as well as, well... our team does. We work well together, we get everything covered. Plus, the kid slept through the round he sat out. You think he'd at least stay conscious and listen to the questions. He did have some good moments when he came up with answers, but, for the most part, we do much better with Tirth, because Tirth is brilliant.

I really hope Laramie doesn't read blogs, or know that mine exists.
*shifty eyes*
Away! Back to the Bat Cave!

Snow!

2007-02-25T16:49:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love snow? It's so pretty, and, umm... wet. Slippery, too. It definitely made this weekend more amusing, whether it was whitewashing Logan, throwing snow into Steve's car, or pushing other cars out of Jace's driveway. Good times all around! Pat let me maneuver his car out of Jace's driveway while they all pushed. Probably not a good idea. I almost ran Jace and Hans over. That would have been bad. But, they moved! Other than that, we had a lovely game of Risk. Actually, no. It got dirty. I managed to stay in until almost the very end, at which point I gave up because I knew that Jace and Pat would crush me. Poor green army. They held onto most of Asia for so long! Add in Kim calling me a whore for making a deal in Risk with the guys, and a few surprisingly violent games of Candyland, and you have my weekend.

I don't really want to leave for Moorhead at 6:30 am tomorrow. That's less than 12 hours away. Bleh. I despise long car rides, especially in small spaces with people I may not be overly fond of. There are a few of them going to the KB meet. Shall have to get in the other suburban... and avoid riding with Pritschet if I can. I hear he speeds. Oh well! I can do homework while we travel, and in that manner keep myself entertained.

Oh! I finally finished the FAFSA. Well, started and finished. I just need to wait for them to email me my PIN so I can sign electronically online. I probably won't make the March 1st date, but I'll be close. Next on my list, taking care of the Hamline deposit and housing info. Yep, I decided on Hamline. I'm excited, mostly. It's rather frightening to think that I only have 3 months of high school left. Anyway... I should probably go find something useful to do.

Blah.

2007-02-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

Today reminded me why I like extracurricular activities, and staying after school. I may say I don't want to do homework, which is partially true. There is another reason. I don't have to be at home. Coming home tends to ruin my good moods more often than not. It's so freaking depressing here. I won't go into particulars, since it would seem to me, if I were another person, that I was hoping for sympathy. Sympathy is nice, of course. As one of Jane Austen's characters wisely stated "Those who do not complain are never pitied." Very true. Well said, Mrs. Bennet! But, again... I won't bother. It is, quite simply, too depressing to think about and recount for all of my faithful readers. I'm really wallowing in self-pity this time. Oh well. I'll get over it soon enough, assuming nothing worse happens. Knowing my family, something worse will happen. It always does. Right, sorry. Shutting up now.

On a random note, here are some quotes I think would be amusing to submit to the yearbook:

"La etat, c'est moi."
-Louis XIV (Did I even spell that correctly? Hmm. French is silly.)

"Edain uvill. Ú 'orn ned Edain." (Men are weak. There is no honor in men.)
-Yes, it's elvish. I need help, I know.

"God is dead."
-Nietzche (I don't find this one particularly inspiring, but I do wonder if it would get past Evans.)

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
-Douglas Adams

I shall now dwell on some happier points.

Drama kids are fun to hang out with. Plus, if I help, I don't have to go home as soon!

Teaching Pat and Jason the "right" way to do the dance to Nsync's "Bye Bye Bye." We did it when I was a dancer. Not my fault I know it. Nope. I was never obsessed with boybands. Not me.

I got my stats homework done. I'm failing stats right now with a stupendous 58%, but hey, I'm still having fun! Hahahahahaha.

Learning that I apparently see other people as "Wet, intelligent, and cute." Aren't I just the optimistic one?

Well, I think I shall go read my Euro book. I like my Euro book. Then I'll go look in my Hamline catalogue and see if the history professor there is actually the same one that wrote said Euro book. Adieu!

Photos!

2007-02-21T19:04:00.000-08:00

As I promised Sara, here are the photos she sent me to post. My camera is evil and does not like to work. Oh, and by the way... This is incredibly time-consuming.

The results of the "brief stop" at Barnes and Noble.

Dancey dancey...

Oh, Antonio!

The theatre.

And again.

A new addiction? Perhaps.

Observing the pretty colors while licking Nutella off my fingers.

Sara observing the pretty colors.

Weekend Adventures

2007-02-19T19:20:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a long week! I missed school on Friday. I think I actually slept all the way through the school day. Yeah, I did. Being sick is so fun. (Sarcasm!) I'm going to be so behind... Especially since I have to miss tomorrow for the knowledge bowl meet. I'll go in to see a few teachers. "Hi! I wasn't here Friday. What did we do? By the way, I won't be here today, either." Peterson will love that one. After I woke up Friday, I spent the rest of the day/evening parked in front of the television, watching the History Channel.

Saturday
I slept in. That was nice.
Sat in front of the tv, watching the History Channel.
Felt lost without homework. Actually wanted homework. I need help.
Went to The Madwoman of Chaillot. I think that's how you spell it. I don't like French. It was alright, but the company made it worth going. The background music annoyed me because it made it seem more dramatic than it should have been. Maybe it was supposed to be dramatic, and they needed the music because the actors couldn't pull it off. Right, sorry. I have no right to critique theatre. I just moved cubes.
Came home. Slept.

Sunday
Woke up fairly early, packed to go to Hamline and visit Rianna.
Got in car with Sara and her mother.
St. Cloud. Barnes and Noble. "Just a short stop. That's it. In and out." An hour and a half later... Sara comes out with Nietzche and a few others, I come out with the "essential" Poe several others. We saw Kelsi there, so we had to stop and chat, look at books together, chat some more, etc. I almost bought a book called "The History of Political Philosophy." I was very excited that about 2/3 of the names in there we had covered in Euro.
Did we go straight to Hamline after that? We must have.
There were a few issues finding Rianna's dorm, but we managed it. Sara's mother opted out of the "Midway Motel," since they rented rooms by the hour, and the man at the front desk was cleaning his teeth with a hunting knife.
Spent the rest of the night in Rianna's dorm, with Rianna. Yay! I love you, Rianna! We ordered supper from Jimmy John's. Lovely subs. Let's see... We watched Zorro (Antonio Banderas! Heck yes!), Scrubs, listened to the Backstreet Boys, danced, ate far too much junk food, made insane posts on the drama blog (guilty!), and talked. It was fun.

Monday (Today, I suppose... It doesn't seem like it.)
Hamline
Woke up in Rianna's dorm at about 8, got ready, etc.
Trotted over to the Office of Undergraduate Admissions, registered, met our tour groups, got our nice little folders, all that fun stuff.
Went on rather long tour of campus.
Bought insanely expensive Hamline hoodie. But it's soft, so it's alright. I think. Oh well.
Sara and I wandered and were too cowardly to actually go into a classroom to sit in.
We ate lunch in Sorin. I don't think we had breakfast. Very good food. Chicken, potatoes, biscuit, carrots, dessert. All very yummy.
We did some more wandering, and actually had the courage to slip into the last 20 minutes of a philosophy class. They were talking about Eskimos, Scotland, Greenland, Vikings, and assorted other random topics. I still haven't found a connection between them. The teacher reminded me of Lade, though, so it was happy.
No history classes to sit in on. Bastards.
Attempted to find a Spanish professor. Failed.
I went to Art History with Rianna, Sara went to a Political Sciences class, which she shortly left since they were doing group projects. Art history made me happy, because I knew what they were talking about, and did their practice test with them. Talked to art history professor, who was very nice. She detailed the art history minor for me, and agreed that, indeed, history and art history fit well very together as a major and minor.
Found Sara and her mother, who were in the library. Sat in library for a while, took random pictures.
Wandered over to Sundin music hall, found it locked. No chance of finding a band teacher. We went instead to the Fine Arts Center next door, which was open. Took pictures of the theatre for our drama geek friends who are considering Hamline. (That would be Pat.) Wandered through the art gallery, exclaimed over the sketches from famous artists they have, stared at African mask and nodded intellectually.
Trotted over to the Klas center, where Rianna treated us to smoothies. We drank them, asked her questions, did more catching up, all that good stuff.
Back to the library for Sara's mother, who fell asleep on a couch.
Back to Rianna's dorm to get our stuff, said goodbye with many hugs, got into the van and left.

MIA was not open, so no art museum visit for us. Poo.
Stopped in St. Cloud at World Market. Saw Shelly Otis and Krista Grater. Bought Nutella (Which is really good! My first time trying it.), stared longingly at shiny objects, bought a sexy, shiny bag. It may not be sexy, but it's shiny. Must stop obsession with shiny things before I spend all of my money...
Chipotle for food. Couldn't find Panera, stared longingly at Barnes and Noble. Michelle and spicy food are not friends.
Went through carwash with van while listening to and singing along with the Spice Girls. Yep, Sara and I both knew all of the words. Took random pictures while we were waiting.
Stopped at carfixeythingyplace for oil-change and new windshield wipers. Wondered if there was any connection between Bosch Wiper Fluid and the painter Bosch. Found none.
Both Sara and I had far too much sugar and Nutella, so it was a very interesting ride back. Giggly, too. Discovered that Cheez-Its should not be dipped in Nutella.

That was a long post! I didn't even use full sentences most of the time. Incredibly long weekend, but definitely worth it. I shall be at Hamline next year, unless something drastic happens before then. Whee! Right then... I should gather my belongings for the KB meet tomorrow, and sleep. Sleep is good.

Lalalalalala.....

2007-02-15T17:54:00.000-08:00

I really need another extracurricular activity to do. I'm bored out of my mind. I finished my homework, took a shower, watched tv, and still have about two hours before I'll be tired enough to sleep. Can I go back to drama yet? That was fun. Knowledge bowl was semi-fun today, but that's not nearly long enough to keep me from being bored. Lalala. I suppose I could brush my hair. Maybe count out exactly 100 strokes. I've never done that before.

Randomly... It's quite amusing to write an essay on Jane Austen's Emma in Spanish. What's the opposite of "anglicize" when relating to spanish? Spanishize? Well, whatever it is, I suppose I could have done that to all of the names, but that wouldn't have been as fun. I think a spanish-speaker would combust if they tried to pronounce "Knightley." Spellcheck en español kept telling me that I was spelling Harriet incorrectly. Oh, the little things that entertain me. At least I finally finished Emma. I started it in August, and just completed it Monday night. Probably because it recently acquired a strawberry-kiwi scent from a bottle of juice I happened to leave open in my backpack, and I wanted to stop smelling it. Now I am on Sense and Sensibility. I tried reading that in 9th grade, but wasn't able to appreciate the writing style or humor.

Hmm. The advertisement at the bottom of my MSN window is really rather pretty. They have Flounder from the Little Mermaid next to some shiny blue object, with an ocean background. I'll have to get over this obsession with shiny objects someday.

I think I shall go read... Or stare at my ceiling and pick out shapes in the texturey white blobby things. Kind of like clouds, only not...

Happy Face!

2007-02-14T15:15:00.000-08:00

You can probably guess how I did from the title of the post. Superior! I got a better score than I did last year, with a much harder solo. Last year I got a 35 (barely superior!) and this year I got... 36. Not amazing, but I'm happy with it. I messed up on things I normally don't, and wasn't in-sync with Melby. I'm going to blame that on the fact that I couldn't see him. Usually he gives me little nods here and there to let me know when to come in, since I suck at counting. The positives are that I didn't fall over and die, and I only squeaked once. Negatives... I was off, the judge said I needed more air (even though Melby said that was the loudest I've played yet), and I didn't get the high E one of the 3 or 4 times it comes up. Oh well. Not bad.

As for others... There weren't many from Brainerd that didn't get superiors. Krystle and Karsten both got perfect 40/40 individually, and in their duet. The horn quarter, made up of Alicia, Sara, Koreann, and Kimber got a 38. None of us heard them since they went about 20 minutes early. It was a long day, but a good one. Now, I must go do stats and spanish homework. After a nap...

Amusing

2007-02-13T19:08:00.000-08:00

I was wandering around my house this evening, clarinet in hand, and rambling to my parents about being out of tune. Here is part of that conversation:
Me: I'm really flat today...
Dad: Isn't a clarinet in B flat?
Me: Yes...
Dad: Well, aren't you supposed to be flat, then?
Me: *blinks* No...
Then I tried to explain the concepts of "pitch," "flat," and "sharp" to the musically ignorant. I should see if Melby buys that excuse.

So, update on my thoughts on solo/ensemble. I have changed my preconceived notion of "I'm going to die," to "Hmm. I might not die." As in... if I can ignore the people watching me and pretend it's just me in the band room, I shouldn't do anything remarkably stupid. I think I tried that last year, though. I looked up at the observers every time I had a rest. Must not do that this time. I will concentrate, and not screw up.... too much.

Tomorrow is also Valentine's Day.... How do I feel about this? I probably won't even notice. Chocolate is nice, however. I may bring some with.

I have this strange urge to take out my clarinet again and go through my solo a few more times...

Queen Logan

2007-02-11T18:31:00.000-08:00

No comment is really necessary...

Solo/Ensemble

2007-02-11T15:04:00.000-08:00

It hit me today, as I spent 2 hours practicing the same freaking song... Solo Ensemble is Wednesday! Crap! I'm going to die. I've spent hours upon hours practicing, but that won't matter. I'm still going to die. If you put me in front of a group of people and tell me to perform, I will self-combust. That's just how things go. Especially if I'm performing for a score, in front of a very knowledgeable judge who will notice every mistake I make. Because I will make mistakes. Lot's of them. I may even pass out from lack of air. But, as the wise band goddess told me, "Breathing is for the weak!" Band goddess, watch over me! :P Melby added random ritards to the song so I can breathe, but I don't know if that will be enough.

And, and... my B natural key on the left sticks! During Variation IV, when it goes B, G, D, B... or something like that, I get this "blaaaah" noise. It sounds a bit like a goose. I demonstrated for Sara sometime last week, she knows what I mean. If I move my fingers really fast, I can make it sound like I'm not playing that note at all, which I think is probably better than the "blaaaah" taking up the time of 3 other notes because it's stuck. Does this make sense to anyone? Hehe. Probably not. Oh well.

Must tell Melby about sticky key, I suppose, or learn to play that part on the other B natural key by Wednesday. That would be really awkward, though. I don't think it would even work, since I have to use that pinky for another note... I could try to sprout another pinky by Wednesday. Possibly another set of lungs, while I'm at it. Dunno how I'm suppose to play louder and not fall over and die. Hahaha.... Melby told me to imagine his voice in my head saying "Louder!!" every time I play. Now doesn't that sound a bit creepy? Melby in my mind? The Phaaaaantom of the Opera is there... inside my mind...

I'm going to be a basketcase by Wednesday if I'm like this now, and it's only Sunday... Yep. I'll be the one with glazed-over eyes walking down the hallway obsessively humming "Introduction, Theme, and Variations" by Carl Maria von Weber.

Meh.

2007-02-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

It's another one of those days... You know the kind I mean, I'm sure. I'm still excited about Celina being the new Miss Nisswa, of course. I almost exploded with excitement last night at the pageant. I may have had a tear in my eye... Hehe. Our little Celina is all grown up and winning "scholarship" pageants. All hail Miss Nisswa!

So, the part I'm rather depressed about. Our van died. Again. In itself this doesn't seem too bad, but for poor people like us... It means dad can't get to work. His employer (I will not speak the name. Bastards.) counts this as an unexcused absence, and apparently he's afraid that he may lose his job. Is it really his fault the van died? He's trying to get to work. They should see the effort, not the lost profit and productivity. Damn capitalists. Anyone want to join the Socialist Party with me? I bet it'd be fun. Suffice it to say that no one at my house is in a very chipper mood right now. Dad is pissy, mom is trying to make it seem like everything will be rosy, and I just want mom to stop freaking asking me what kind of pizza I want. We may soon lose our source of income.... Let's order a pizza!

American Dream. Ha! The American Dream only exists for the upper middle class. The rest of us are screwed. I got a little upset when I read someone's blog last night... They were posting about how their family made so much money that they wouldn't be eligible for financial aide. Shut the hell up and leave it for the people who actually need it. Someone else chimed in to say how the upper middle class gets so screwed over in the whole college thing. Waaa.... I feel so bad for you and your money. Ok, sorry, I'll stop whining now. I just needed to rant. Yes, I'm bitter.

Whee!

2007-02-05T19:30:00.000-08:00

I'm in a happy mood. I'm giggling... Sheesh. Sara knows why... But we musn't share online precious, because we never know who might be watching... *shifty eyes* If you really, really want to know, you can catch me on MSN. Yep yep.

On a random note, I fell asleep reading the first of the two chapters for the two chapter test in Euro. Too many "isms" for my taste. I don't think anything of note has really been mentioned yet, event-wise. There's a lot about Metternich, and other fusty old fellows. Nationalism, liberalism, conservatism, reactionaries... Bah! We need a good war sometime soon, before I take a longer nap. It's also quite hard to write a thesis on the Communist Manifesto that is under 200 words, but I did it. I ended with 204, and then took out some fluffy words. *sigh* Poor fluff. It never had a chance. I should also express my love for Sparknotes. I read the Manifesto (it took over an hour) but Sparknotes has a lovely, short little summary that is more easily condensed into 200 words than the entire thing in my book. All hail Sparknotes!

I have a confession to make to all of you. I still adore the Backstreet Boys. I am listening to their new cd right now. "Never Gone." The song is called Siberia. How appropriate for today. I have liked them since 3rd grade, and don't plan on stopping. I own 7 BSB cds, I think. Maybe 6. I may need help. I don't want it, but I might need it.

Hehe...

2007-01-31T19:01:00.000-08:00

First, here is a lovely cartoon for you. It's about a week or so old, I believe.
And next, I have a quote. It's from a preview I saw while watching American Idol (I swear, I don't watch it!) for a movie called the Astronaut Farmer.

So, the astronaut farmer fellow is sitting in front of government officials.

Government fellow: Mr. Farmer, how do we know you aren't building a WMD?
Farmer: Because, if I were building a weapon of mass destruction... you wouldn't be able to find it.

Happy/Thoughtful

2007-01-28T14:34:00.000-08:00

I can't decide which of those two I am more of. Happy, of course, because we won! Yay! *happy dance* I haven't gotten first place in anything worthwhile since dance competition years ago. (I wasn't a Kixter! Just a dancer!) Sara rocks for adapting the story, and is, as the judge said, a goddess. There isn't as much time for homework with one-act... but I think it's worth it. And, and... I don't wanna miss the Lucky Lindy next Saturday! I've never missed one. Oh well. I'm needed with one-act. KB can get along without me. I'll just show Rezac the shiny first place medal and he'll let me go! Muahaha.

For the thoughtful part... I've been wondering lately if I'm a bit shallow for switching guys that I like as often as I do. Some people I know keep the same one for a long time... but not me. I go through a couple a year. Yep, the one I wanted to go to Christmas Ball with is no longer my favorite. I gave up on him. Am I shallow, or just easily diverted? Hmm. I wonder.

I suppose I should go work some more on the homework I've been putting off all week. I finished the Euro chapter on Napoleon and Romanticism. Yay for that. Now... A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. *sigh* Not as bad as Young Men and Fire, but I don't think it's horribly exciting. Good thing I already took a nap.

Chaos

2007-01-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

"Chaos"... synonomous with "music library." Ugh. I knew the music library was disorganized, but I didn't think it was quite as bad as it is. I have my work cut out for me, and that's for sure! Those roll-out shelves are pretty violent. I have learned this in the two days that I have been working in there thus far. All of my weight is required to move the things. And then, when you push them in a bit too quickly, they gather momentum and drag you across the floor if you're still hanging on. That top shelf is hard to reach, too. Curses on being vertically challenged! Anyone happening to walk by while I'm being dragged by the music shelf is sure to find amusement. Or anyone who sees me jumping up and down to push a box in, for that matter. I suppose that's what that chair is for...

And, grr! I can't find the boxes for Days of Wine and Roses and The Winds of Poseidon. I found the Illiad, but no Poseidon. I looked under W for "Winds". Not there. T for "the". Nope, not there, either. Well, might as well try P for "Poseidon". Not there, either. Hmm. The solution is that it's hiding from me in some really obvious place that I haven't thought to look.

So most of the random piles of random stuff in there are band things. Choir seems a little better organized. Don't even get me started on the pep band music! Heh, well, at least if I want to look at the solo in first part for Festive Overture, I know where to find an extra copy! There are four boxes for that piece, in case you were wondering. I lucked out yesterday and found the piccolo part in the first one I opened.

If you need me third hour, I'll be the one rocking back and forth, surrounded by boxes, manila folders, and random sheets of music.

Introspection

2007-01-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

I went to church today for the first time in about a month. I realized that I felt like a complete hypocrite and horrible person because I no longer believe the exact same thing the more conservative denominations do. I sat and tried to mentally work through what exactly I do believe regarding religion and spirituality. Not what my church believes, or what my parents think I ought to believe, but what I personally believe. (I may be doing this later than most of my enlightened friends, but at least I'm doing it.)

This is what I determined, roughly. It's a bit hard to put some of my thoughts into writing.
-I believe in God.
-I have no objection to the idea of the Trinity, so I suppose I believe that.
-I believe that Jesus was God incarnate, died, rose from the dead, etc.
-Salvation... now this one is tricky. I don't think I believe that one religion is right and all of the others are wrong, necessarily, so there may be multiple ways to obtain this. I think that making a conscious decision to believe in God and try to live a moral life is enough. Does believing in my previous point contradict this one? I don't think it does, but everyone has their opinion.
-The more minute points of theology are debatable.
I really do believe God is most accessible in nature. I feel the most peaceful and serene when I'm sitting in a bunch of trees or by water. Am I a deist, then? Hmm. The religion finder thing put me as an Orthodox Quaker. They believe in an inner light and such.
I don't think women should be subservient to men, but equals.
Homosexuality... I don't see anything wrong with it, really. It's not my cup of tea, so to speak, but if others are, that's their choice. Or nature, I suppose. I've met quite a few (surprising in Brainerd) and none of them were bad people. If God allows free will, as many Christians say, they shouldn't try to change the choices other people have made if it has nothing to do with them.
Free will, predestination... haven't thought those ones out completely yet, but I will. There are other things, too, but those are my general thoughts of the day.

Now, I should go type my lang injustice essay, since it is illegible in its current form.

Is It Summer Yet?

2007-01-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

I'd settle for Saturday. I think it's Wednesday today, but I'm not completely sure. It must be.... Yeah... I blame school, and activities, and thinking. Thinking is bad for you! I was/am thinking about how much school I'll be missing this upcoming semester.

Band tour- 4-ish days
Band festival- 1 day, plus the honors practice after school that one day. (He put me in honors band! Yay!)
Solo/Ensemble- 1 day

Already up to 6 just with band...

Knowledge bowl
2 more regular meets, so 2 days.
An invite or two, possibly, about 2 more, we'll say.
Sub-regions
Regions
State? (We're third now, and are only 4 points behind the second team. We should get there.) Isn't that, like, 2 days? Maybe 3?

And then, of course, behind the wheel February 1st.

Altogether, that's 16 days. We can miss 10, apparently. Hmm. That could be a problem. Oh well. I'd just better not get sick. Ever again.

Oh, and Sara recruited me for One-Act. I shall call myself sign holder and mover of wooden boxes. Go me!

Right then. I should go study for those two "finals" tomorrow. Whee!

sways

2007-01-15T18:04:00.000-08:00

I just thought I'd share this video. (I'd post the little window thingy, but I'm too lazy to actually join YouTube.) The song was stuck in my head all day today. It's a group called ERA. I guess they're from a Spanish-speaking country. *shrug* I've only heard one of their other songs... It's a strange mix of Italian, Latin, and French. This one is Latin, I believe. Nasty iTunes store doesn't have anything by them. Poo on iTunes! This is good relaxing music... or slit-your-wrists music. Whichever you prefer. :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDCJrX5dXmw

Oh. My. God. screams

2007-01-12T15:35:00.000-08:00

I am VERY frustrated right now, to say the least. My frickin' neighbors... (I wanted to swear there, if that says anything.) My floor and walls are literally vibrating because their music is so loud. I can hear every word of the foul rap and hip hop songs. I can smell marijuana. It's mostly the vibrating walls and floor that annoy the hell out of me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do any homework like this? I'm easily distracted as it is, but this is just ridiculous. I'm not going to get anything done, because all I want to do is scream. I did, actually. Scared the hell out of my mom, too.

What am I going to do, though? I tried jumping on the floor a few times, since usually that gives them a hint that they should shut up. But not this time. Nope. I think they actually turned it up. Son of a... Yes, Michelle has a breaking point, too, and you are witnessing it. I could go knock on the door and say "please" and ask them to think of others, but I'm not sure they would take that so well when they're high. I could always have my parents call the landlord, I suppose. That seems like a tattle-tale sort of thing, though. Especially if the landlord found out that they smoke cigarettes and marijuana. This is supposed to be a smoke-free building.

Oh, and last night, I woke up out of nowhere because I could smell cigarettes. That may seem strange, but I'm really sensitive to it. It gives me headaches and makes it hard to breathe. Excuse me while I get out my sword... the sharp one... I should be able to take on a couple of potheads. If I'm not in school on Monday, you'll know why.

*screams again*
*and again*
*strangles stuffed rabbit*
*screams again*
*throws rabbit*
*stabs rabbit with sword*

Babble

2007-01-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

Babble babble. Babble babble.
Wasn't that fun? Alright, I'm done now. I just had to warm up before I could type anything interesting.

Highlights of the First Day Back at School:

~Yawning all the way through the day, because I'm still on break times. (Yeah, so I tend to stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning reading books. Doesn't work so well when you get up at 6 am.)

~Half-hearted attempts at studying for a Euro quiz. I got an 80%. Not too bad, I suppose. It would take something remarkably stupid to lose my A.

~Fetching a new overhead lightbulb for Sra. Wiger 3rd hour and being later than usual for lunch. I had to wait in line. That's unusual.

~Alicia patting me on the back during band and saying "Hey, I heard that! Good job!" She sits behind me, so I suppose that's an accomplishment, especially for me.

~During one part of a song, hearing the 2nd part die whenever I take a breath. Muahaha. Now we know who's actually playing.

~Melby with no voice and coughing fits. Enough said.

~A lovely quote from a member of my spanish class during oral presentations today. "Segundoly." If that's not Spanglish, nothing is.

~Meeting the counselor fellow to have my schedule changed. Goodbye open hour, hello filing music! I'm a band aide. Hehehe.

~Knowledge bowl after school. Many people neglected to remember that is was Wednesday, resulting in smaller numbers. I like it better that way.

~An answer our team gave: "Womb juice." That's a technical term. Just like the soft spot on a baby's head is called "squishy."

~Finishing the lang synthesis project! Once we present tomorrow, that sucker is done! This makes me incredibly happy. Now I can focus on the crapload of Euro homework about the French Revolution.

That'll be all, I think...

Christmas

2006-12-25T12:31:00.000-08:00

Feliz Navidad, mis amigos! I think this year's holiday has gone pretty well so far.
Saturday:
My brother and his wife visited from Wyoming, along with their two dogs, Callie and Betsy. They don't have children; they have dogs, and a 3-legged cat named Nelson.
Treasure hunt! This was a lot of fun, even if I am still sore from it. Next time, I'll stretch before running around like crazy. (We outwitted Tay's team. Muahaha. So worth it.)
Sunday:
A lovely day at home with the parents. Not much really happened.
Today:
Grandma from Hill City visiting and staying the night. She is currently napping in my room. I feel a bit lost without it... I'm stuck out here with my parents. There's nowhere to retreat to! Gah!
Tomorrow:
My other brother and his wife, and their adorable son Johnny are coming to visit us. I bought Johnny a Thomas train. I hope he likes it.

(Grandma has now awoken from her nap, so now she gets the comfy chair, which I have just vacated for her.)

Notable Presents:
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Special Two-Disc Edition (Extra shiny cover! I love shiny!)
Shiny necklace and earrings from aunt in D.C. (Pity my ears aren't pierced. They look expensive.)
iTunes gift card (Happy! I bought the Narnia soundtrack, La Vie Boheme, Come What May, from Moulin Rouge, Clarinet Concerto in A Minor by Mozart, You're the One I Want, from Grease, and Everything I Do, from Robin Hood. Yeah, I like soundtracks.)
$30 gift certificate for Barnes and Noble.com. (Woohoo! I bought Trickster's Choice, Trickster's Queen, Sense and Sensibility, and Beowulf.)

Not bad, really. I'm excited for the MIA trip next Saturday to see the Renaissance exhibit. I suppose eventually I'll have to do homework... bleh. Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Rant

2006-12-22T18:06:00.000-08:00

How can crappy books be published? Honestly? I mean, gah! I understand the freedom of the press and all... but some things are better left alone. With the Target gift card Sra. Wiger gave me for Christmas I bought a book. It is called "Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife." I thought "Oh, someone did a sequel to Pride and Prejudice. It should be good. I think I'll buy it." I'm about 40 pages in and already think it was a waste of money.

If you want to write trashy romance novels, do it with your own characters. Don't ruin Jane Austen's. Nearly every thought of the characters in the book thus far has been about sex. Elizabeth, Darcy, Lydia, Wickham... they're all ridiculously horny. Don't bother with that book unless you are beyond bored, or want to laugh at it. The author attempts to immitate Jane Austen's style, but she fails miserably. It looks like she just picked impressive-looking words to insert where others could have done just as well. And then, she ruins it by throwing in modern words or phrases. If you're going to pretend to be Jane Austen, at least be consistent.

The characters aren't even really the same. They have some traits in common, but she's just using them for her romance novel. *sigh* The beauty of Pride and Prejudice was that it left some things unsaid, and this woman tries to come up with reasons for everything. There are even flashbacks to Darcy's childhood, including his first several "encounters" with a woman. (A house maid. How creative.) Grr... But, I'm going to make myself finish it because I bought it. And this is only 40 pages in. Hopefully it gets better. If not, I may cry. Or throw the book out the window.

Fan-fiction is fine and dandy, but you don't need to publish it and share your fantasies with anyone who gets duped into buying your book. (I won't say anything about Christopher Paolini and Eragon... I won't... I won't... *cough*Can'tbelievetheymadeamovieofhishorriblebook*cough*) Sure, I'm writing a fantasy book/novel/thing, but I have no intention of even attempting to publish it unless it turns out to be absolutely brilliant. (Doubtful.) It's for my own amusement, and possibly that of several close friends who I trust not to laugh at me.

There are so many books out there that just aren't worth reading. The latest one I am borrowing from Catherine is vaguely interesting, but I often find myself thinking "What the hell? Why? How? That doesn't make sense!" If you know of any truly good books, please, do recommend them.

There. I didn't rant about Eragon. I'm proud of myself.

happy dance

2006-12-15T14:13:00.000-08:00

From a letter I received in the mail today:
"Dear Michelle,
Congratulations! On behalf of President Linda Hanson, the faculty, and the admission committee, it is my pleasure to inform you that you have been admitted to Hamline University as a member of the first year class....
... I am also delighted to inform you that because of your many academic achievements and your potential as a leader and scholar at Hamline, you have been awarded the Hamline Honors Scholarship, which ranges from $5,000 to $10,ooo per academic year or $20,000 to $40,000 over four years. The Honors Scholarship is awarded based on the strength of your application and its goal is to financially support talented students who, like you, demonstrate the potential to be outstanding campus scholars and leaders..."

I spent about an hour altogether on that application.
Sweet. *happy dances more*
But, now I must choose between Crown and Hamline. I've never been to Hamline. A campus visit is in order, I think. I may have to go because they're giving me money. Money is nice. Does Hamline have trees, Rianna? Crown has lot's of trees, and a lake. I get sad without trees.
Oh, and I got Student of the Semester again. A Spanish teacher, perhaps? It could also be Peterson... probably not Niemi or Melby, or Pelkey. I love Spanish teachers. I may be one of them someday.

What Makes You "You?"

2006-12-13T18:51:00.000-08:00

According to a commercial, it is not your favorite color, or... other stuff. It is your watch. Yes, that's right. Your watch is who you are, so you should buy this expensive watch.

So, I was curious. What does my watch say about me?
I am shiny.
I have little green stones all around me.
I am several minutes fast.
I am turning from painted silver to copper underneath. My true colors are showing!
I am cheap. ($9.95)

Does it sound like me, then? Who else wants to play? Hehehe.

Randomness: Part... Something

2006-12-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

Hmm. I don't really have any major purpose in this post. I just feel like typing random stuff.

A word of caution: Blogger Beta isn't all that great. I've been stopped from commenting any number of times because you have to go through a roundabout way of signing in. It could "remember" me if I enabled cookies on my browser, but I'd really rather not. About the only advantage is not having to go through the dashboard for all of your fun functions.

I drove again today. It wasn't as nerve-wracking as behind the wheel. Jessica let me drive her car home from church. The only notable occurence was an SUV tailgating me all down College Drive. I was already going 40 in a 30 zone. What more did they want, seriously? I may be a new driver, but I'm not stupid enough to get into wreckless driving. When said SUV pulled up next to me at an intersection, I got glares from both people sitting in the front seat. Well... excuse me for showing some caution and not wanting to die.

So... I'm still not completely sure what my Christmas Ball plans are. They will probably consist of going to Megan's "3rd Annual Dinner," and then to Lance's house afterwards. But, will I have a date? Before school on Wednesday, I think it was, we were talking about ball. In attendance was the "guy," who happened to be sitting right next to me. Amanda, bless her heart, made the comment "You could always ask Michelle!" I think he may have finally caught the hint that time, but that doesn't mean he'll do anything about it. He said something about asking Sara... even though she's not going. Oddness. Next thing. If he does ask, it'll be a last resort to him. Do I want to be a last resort? I like him, obviously, and wouldn't mind going... but a girl's got to have some pride! I don't know. It'll get figured out before Saturday, hopefully.

Strange Dream

2006-12-06T18:13:00.000-08:00

I promised I would tell you about my strange dream, and Sarah reminded me today on Facebook. After giving up on dividing that huge chunk of Europe on my map between Austria and Prussia... Here I am!

This dream was really, really strange. I'm not even sure exactly where it began, but I'll try to make it semi-coherent. The first thing I remember is a friend and I (not completely sure which one) were wandering around the camp I used to work at, Timber Bay. Only it wasn't really Timber Bay... plus it was the dead of winter, and the lake was completely frozen over. For some reason we had to get/steal something from a cabin without this evil (we thought) guy seeing us, since we thought he would kill us.

We got whatever we had to, and then were on our way back to the truck (since when does anyone I ride with have a truck?) when the evil guy sees us and tries to catch up to us. We run, of course, and almost make it. He catches up right as I'm about to close my door. Apparently he doesn't want to kill us, but only talk to us. (This is where it gets really odd.) He patiently explains that he is the storm (wth?) and my friend and I are two kinds of wind. I'm the pink wind, and she is the blue one. Colored wind... right... But, to save the world, or restore balance, or something, my friend and I (the colored winds) must be mixed with the storm by way of a huge pile of snow and then released over the frozen lake. The mixing looked a lot like cotton candy...

It goes *Poof!* here. Somehow I am now a regular human again, and making some epic journey across the frozen lake with a friend (a different one than last time, but I'm still not sure who it is) and we stop for shelter in an igloo. Inside the igloo is very nice, and even has carpet. Yep, someone carpeted the ice. After having a nice cup of something warm and frothy (not hot chocolate, or coffee...) we set off again. Here is another *Poof!* Instead of travelling with a female friend, I am now on a journey through a giant mall with some guy, who must find his father. The guy and I end up in a library, which is inside the mall, and we search desperately through the books to find some all-important book that we need, although I'm not sure why.

The guy and I either find it or give up, and come to a tunnel-like thing under a waterfall, still in this mall-place. It's a very lovely waterfall and tunnel, but we almost get crushed by the water when it comes down, because it's not a tunnel so much as a walkway under it, and the waterfall turns on and off... After that we continue our journey, any more of which I do not remember.

I woke up after that. So, what do you think? Have I been reading too many fantasy novels, or is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Mr. Lade would be able to come up with something, probably. Or, I just have a twisted mind of some sort. But, yeah... strange dream.

Oh, I Just Can't Wait...

2006-12-04T17:19:00.000-08:00

I swear, I really am working on lang... I just happened to stumble across this while researching. Yeah, that's it... Yeah...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOjAquX0HbA&mode=related&search=

Oh, and random Spanish moment of the day...
"El jugo de piña pollo." (Spanish 1 activity I corrected.)
Pineapple chicken juice. Yummy.

Yay Productivity!

2006-12-03T19:06:00.000-08:00

I actually did useful stuff today! Yesterday I loafed about in my pajamas, watching tv, movies, reading, and sleeping alternately. Today, though was productive.

Things I Did: (Yeah, I like lists. They're easy.)
~Stats homework. (Probability... so horribly hard.)
~Spanish homework. Sra. Maine is tricky. She didn't give us our assignment until the bell rang at the end of class so we'd bring it home and study. I beat the system. I just brought el cuaderno de actividades home since I already have the vocab down.
~Lang. homework, and a bit of the current events project. (Well, mostly emailing my group members to see what they have done thus far.)
~Euro homework. I started the pointless crossword, which didn't take any extensive knowledge. I stared both sides of the map, and outlined the English colonies in 1763. Plus, I got halfway through Ch. 16. (The next test is 16&17. Bleh.)
~Practiced clarinet. Yay! Clarinet is happy.
~Completed and submitted application to Hamline.
~Had ACT scores sent to said college.
~Addressed envelope that transcript shall be sent to them in. I think... they just said have the school send a transcript. *shrug*
~Emailed senior photo to evil lady in media center. (Yes, she is evil.)
~Made out check to buy yearbook.
~Read about half of Pride and Prejudice.

Wow, I did get a lot done today! I didn't really think about it until I wrote it all down. Are two colleges enough to apply to, do you think? My goals aren't too horribly high in that area... Downside to Hamline- no linguistics program. I "showed interest" in the religion and spanish programs. I almost added art history. I could always go with history, too... Three AP history classes ought to get me somewhere. How is Hamline on APs, Rianna? *ponders* Honestly, I don't know much about them. I applied on a whim. (Well, after Sara calling me a coward on the phone, which was related to something else, and her mentioning that I should apply.)

Right then... Off I go! Next time I post, I think I'll tell you about a really strange dream I had.

Happy!

2006-11-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

Whee! Guess who finally has an A in AP lang? I do! This deserves a happy dance. *happy dances* All semester thus far I have been so close... 89.57, 88.9, 89.44... and now, 90.08% Yay!
Another happy note! On the last stats test I received a 99%, which brought my grade from 76 to 81. That leaves me with four A's and one B, and three of those five are APs. Muahaha. Sorry, this makes me a lot happier than it should!

On a less exciting note... We have a trimester test in Euro. All of class tomorrow is essays, and Monday multiple choice. The thing is worth 400 points. Peterson deals only in multiples of 100, which is a bit odd. I don't think I have as many points in all of my other classes combined as I do in Euro. Seriously... a band concert is only 200 points. Oh! I know! I'll show up to Euro in my band dress and play through all of our music. Twice. 400 points right there, as long as I don't pass out or forget how to play clarinet. Why can't all classes be like band? You show up, you get points. This is a very nice system.

Behind the Wheel

2006-11-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

I had my first behind the wheel driving lesson today. *shudder* I don't think I like driving. It's a bit scary, especially when they take you out on the freeway your second time legally driving. He tells me I did really well, but I'm not so sure.

Observations/Things I Should Work On
~Differentiating between left and right so you don't have to switch lanes really quickly near your turn, with other cars behind you. Thank God for that "Student Driver" sign on the car.
~SMOG... must not miss the O of that. Over shoulder... over shoulder...
~Must not run stop signs, no matter how hidden they are. (I didn't even see the bloody thing!) There were no other cars, thankfully.
~Running over curbs is bad. I didn't realize I was that close... This was within the first few minutes of being in control of the vehicle, in the Civic Center parking lot.

He only had to use his brake once, I think. I was so intent on looking both ways at the intersection that I neglected to apply the brake. Silly Michelle!

The instructor had a nifty music comparison for SMOG. "In a 4/4 measure, signalling is like the first quarter note..." Was I counting? You'd better believe it.

Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T19:57:00.000-08:00

The difficulty with this conversation is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.
Douglas Adams

That quote has absolutely nothing to do with anything. It's just random, and I'm in a random mood. Plus, Douglas Adams makes me giggle, yet think with statements that seem ridiculous but are, in fact, true. Example:

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

I think I had a point somewhere in this post, but I've lost it now. Oh, right! Thanksgiving. The title. Right then. Today it was just my parents and I. My sister Suzy was going to come, but couldn't. Instead she is coming Saturday, at which point there will still be plenty of leftover, since my mom made way more than enough for three people.

Locations of Other Siblings:
Sean, his wife Angie, and the adorable little Johnny- I haven't a clue where these ones are. We haven't heard anything from them. They didn't even call.
Shane and his wife Andrea- In Wyoming. Lovely, yes? At least he called us today.
Shannon, her husband John, and their son Alexander- Up North somewhere... They had lunch with their mom, I guess.
Suzy- With her soon-to-be ex-husband's family. That's what I call strange. But, whatever floats her boat.

Oh yes... and my dad works 5-11pm. We ate, and he left. Meh. At least I got a nice nap in, and watched Narnia. The marching bands on the Macy's parade were pretty sweet. I was jealous. We don't have a marching band. We have a band that walks.

I hope everyone else had a good Thanksgiving. I know Sara's in Michigan... College friends are all home. Fun fun. Kelsi and I are going to try and catch The Fountain sometime over break. Does anyone else want to come? If you're not doing homework, that is. I must force myself to work on the lang project, along with the Animal Farm stuff, plus some Spanish, and read the Euro chapter. Hours of fun there. *yawn* I think I'll go waste time on something. I've been meaning to work on the story I want to write. Yay for cliché fantasy!

Hmm...

2006-11-20T16:37:00.000-08:00

I can't decide if I've had a good day or not. There were a number of very happy things, but then some... not so much.

Happy Things:
~8 on latest lang essay. (My first one! Yay!)
~8 on Euro DBQ... yay!
~No tests to correct 3rd hour. I also had the joy of marking something wrong on the paper of a person I'm not particularly fond of. I'm so mean...
~ Sra. Maine: "Tu español es increíble, Manuela!" This is after I gave my oral presentation. I love you, too, Sra. Maine!

Not-So-Happy-Things:
I thought it would be fun to find out if the person I like has a date for Christmas Ball or not, so I was determined to ask after school. I didn't straight out ask if he wanted to go with me, but first asked if he was going, and then if he had a date. He doesn't know, the person he asked has a boyfriend, wants the one I asked to buy tickets for both of them... I think? I'm not completely sure I understood. Several quite broad hints later... silence. I shrug it off at this point, continue talking about other things.

Some other guy I don't know has joined us and started talking to us. Out of nowhere, the one I asked looks at a girl near us and says (paraphrased) "Why can't I get a girl like that? If he (her boyfriend) can, I should be able to. He's an idiot... (more stuff I don't remember.)" The girl referred to is the sort that would do well on a billboard somewhere. Long blonde hair, skinny, pretty, what some would call "perfect." (Apparently her name is Cayla Lambert.)
Thanks. I feel great now. Why would you say something like that with another girl standing right next to you? Gah! I thought better of him than that.

Thank you, umm... "guy," for ending my day on a positive note.

I'm Confused

2006-11-19T15:06:00.000-08:00

I am looking at the school website right now... in particular the place where they have the AP Scholars listed.
Something is confusing me on this. Unless I'm really off on something, I should be an AP Scholar. Not with honor or distinction, but just a plain old AP Scholar. My name isn't there. Plenty of my classmates are on there, but not me. I should be right between Julie and Joey.

The College Board has recognized 34 BHS students as AP Scholars. Congratulations to Benjamin Anderson, Joseph Anhalt, Jeremy Bock, Michele Brambilla, Serena Brambilla, Edwin Brodmarkle, Christopher Comstock, Calyn Dannenberg, Christopher Dens, Shane Dutton, Ashley Grunewald, Kayla Helmberger, Alexandra Jones, Nicholas Kory, Kelsey Nelson, Alicia Niemi, Jefferey Ocel, Michelle Otis, Katy Posterick, Beth Ritchie, Alisha Roach, Seth Rogers, Christopher Runyan, Ryan Ruttger, Megan Saley, Tanya Schuna, Jeffrey Smith, Tasha Strom, Sara Swenson, Julie Tertin, Joseph Trucano, Garrett Wedan, Joshua Westphal, and Anna Zimmerman.

Here is AP's definition of an AP Scholar:
AP Scholar
Granted to students who receive grades of 3 or higher on three or more AP Exams.

My AP's thus far:
US History: 5
Art History: 5
Lit: 4

Is that not at least 3 classes with a 3 or higher on each exam?
Unless they live in some alternate universe where numbers are different, I should be on that list.
How come I'm not? Unless it's just last year... But no, I'd still be there.

Once again, I find myself unwanted and unhonored. First the National Honor Society, and now this. What does the world have against me, anyway? So much for applying to higher end colleges. None of them are going to take me. Tiny Christian college in the middle-of-nowhere, here I come!

What to Do?

2006-11-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday. What should I do with my day? Options:

~Read a book
I could work on Emma, the books I'm borrowing from Catherine, or any number of books in my room that have yet to be finished. I re-read all of Emperor Mage last night... I may be addicted to fantasy novels. Yep, I'm an escapist, I'll admit it. But! I do know how to appreciate other forms of literature.
~Do homework.
I actually don't have too much this weekend. There is plenty of stuff I should do, but not much that I must do. I'm so lazy.
~Practice clarinet.
My solo, or the music we have for the holiday concert. Some of it requires practice. (Unless you're Crystal! :P)
~Take a nap.
I love naps.
~Watch a movie (or tv)
I've been meaning to watch V for Vendetta again. I wanted to watch it November 5th, but didn't have time.
~Clean my room
The open floor I can see is gradually receding.
~Work on Carleton and St. Olaf applications
Essays... always essays.

I'll go stare at my ceiling for a while, I think. Eventually I'll decide. It'll be anything but homework, essays, and cleaning my room.

Dilemma...

2006-11-13T18:12:00.000-08:00

I'm torn about what to post about. I have two subjects- the movie I watched last night, or today's experiences in band. Might as well do both.

Part One- I Want My Money Back!
Ok, so I watched it in my living room, but still...
The movie was The Scorpion King. I figured that since it was a part of "The Mummy Trilogy" I would like it. I love the two Mummy movies. In the Mummy Returns, the Scorpion King is an evil fellow who sold his soul to the god Anubis for control of his undead army. There's a lot of "The Army of Anubis shall arise!... Cursed!... Use the spear to kill the Scorpion King, take control of his army, and send it back to the underworld!"
And now, my impressions of The Scorpion King, starring The Rock. (Feel free to roll your eyes here. Professional wrestler... oh dear.)
Beginning of movie- Very wrestling match-ish music playing as the Rock/Scorpion King kills people. He is not evil. Oh well, I think. He must get corrupted later on.
He is sent to assassinate some king's sorceress, who happens to be a scantily clad, mysterious Asian woman. This does not really look like Egypt to me.
The movie goes on. Scorpion King is still good.
Scorpion King and Sorceress sleep together. Big surprise there.
Sorceress jumps in front of arrow to save Scorpion King. (Who is, incidentally, not king of anything. Nor do scorpions play a large role in this movie.) Scorpion King still gets shot.
I think to myself. "I bet he pulls the arrow out of his own flesh and shoots the evil king with it."
*Scorpion King tears arrow from his flesh and kills evil king with it*
I think again "I bet they make him king, and the movie ends with him and the Sorceress kissing." Guess what? It did. And you know what? He never became evil, there was no Army of Anubis, or any major plot developments involving scorpions. It had absolutely nothing to do with the other Mummy movies. It was an excuse for The Rock to run around screaming with a sword and killing people.
*sigh* My time would have been better spent reading. But when is that not the case?

Part Two- Can I go back to my own seat now? Please?
Melby switched all of the clarinets around today. Somehow, only God knows why, I ended up on first with Rachel and Megan. Putting me on first is bad. Anything higher than high E is not pretty. At all. Some of today's music went up to A, I think. It went too fast to be really sure, since we were just sight-reading.
Me playing 1st clarinet:
"Oneyandatwoyanda... oneandtwoand... 7? Wth? Why have I never seen 7/4 before? Oh well. 1234567..."
"Wow. Those are some high notes. Let's see... this finger goes down, this one stays up... Here goes nothing!"
*very out-of-tune note*
*squeak*
"Umm... yeah... I'll take the bottom part. You two can play the top."
"Lowish F-sharp, next F-sharp... next octave F-sharp? No, bad finger! Stay up, damn you! You only go down on the last F-sharp!"
"Low notes! I love low notes!"
*plays really loudly*
"Like the wind, fingers!"
*laughs hysterically at how badly she is playing*
"All done, right? I can go back to my own spot and music?"
"Maybe I can play 3rd tomorrow! That would be fun! I love low notes."
(Ok, so I actually did have fun with it....)

One Letter

2006-11-07T19:37:00.000-08:00

While sitting at Sra. Wiger's desk and calcuating totals on Spanish 2 tests, stamping the good ones, and listening in on her class (I'm good at multi-tasking) I heard the funniest thing. They are learning about morning routines and such right now. (I shave, He puts on deodorant, They shower, etc...) Someone accidentally said something with one wrong letter.

(Not literal translation, but what is meant.)
Me lavo los manos- I wash my hands.
Me lavo los monos- I wash the monkeys.
.... I wash the monkeys? Sure... why not? My pet monkeys have started to smell lately. They could use a good wash. Has anyone seen the pink bottle of shampoo?

Remember, Remember...

2006-11-05T07:41:00.000-08:00

Let us take a moment to look at the calendar and commemorate this historical day. (And wish we were in England so we could have bonfires, too.)

Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, twas his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.

By God's mercy he was catched
With a dark lantern and lighted match.
Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the King.

"People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

Wait... What?

2006-11-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

Some quotes and happenings from the last couple of days...

Driver's Ed: (We were talking about third DUI offenses, and how you had to prove your abstinence from alcohol for a year.)
Kid in the Front Row: "Wait... you can't have sex ever again after your third offense?"
The teacher shook his head, while about 2 others and I laughed hysterically.

AP Stats: (Don't ask how we got on the subject of Nascar... I don't.)
Junior Boy Whose Name I Do Not Know: "Nascar is for people who don't know anything."
Brett Cloutier: "It's a redneck convention. They go down to Talladega in their stained beaters and cut-off shorts..."
Junior Boy: "A waste of time."
....Silence, as they ponder...
Junior Boy: ".... Do you like racing, Mr. Pelkey?"
Mr. Pelkey: "I do, actually."
Silence again, except for me and a few others laughing.

AP Euro: We're doing research projects in partners, and had to announce our choice of person (from the Enlightenment era) aloud for Peterson...
Peterson: "Ahh... 'I think, therefore I am.' A perfect choice for you two." (Two junior boys... It went right over their heads.)
A bit later on:
Peterson: "Carl! Who is your partner?"
Carl: "Catherine."
Peterson: "Really. Good luck."

Melby made a really strange noise in band today... You know how he is. *g* He was in a very goofy-ish mood, if that is possible.'Twas a most entertaining hour, especially with clarinets squeaking all over the place and coming in early repeatedly. Oops.

Third Hour: (I was walking around the computer lab with Sra. Wiger and helping people. I got to play teacher!)
Me: "What can I help you with?"
Girl: "I was just wondering how you would translate this into Spanish."
Me: *blinks a bit* "Didn't you guys just learn this?"
Girl: "Yeah..."
Me: *sigh* "Well, to begin with..."

Spanish:
Me: "Estoy cansada..."
*nods off*
*snaps awake*
*nods off again*
"Encende la luz, por favor! Before I'm completely out... The overhead is so bright... shiny... room dark... "
*nods off again*

Sra and I, after school, both of us either tired or just out of it. We were both babbling on at the same time, so it was a lot faster than it reads.
Me: "I just follow you out the door, like a sheep... I'm a good sheep..."
Sara: *singing* "Like a sheep to the slaughter..."
Me: "No! Not a sheep. A lamb!"
Sara: "Like a lamb to the slaughter..."
"... little mutton chop..."
Me: "No, wait! I'm like a duckling!"
Sara: *singing again* "Chunks of duck in my soup..."
Me: "Noo... I don't wanna be a duck chunk!"

Observation of the Day

2006-10-29T20:05:00.000-08:00

Life sucks. There's no other way to put it. I'm going to wallow in self-pity for the duration of this post, so feel free to stop reading if you don't want to be depressed. I just need to let this out before I go insane. (Please also keep in mind that I am sitting in a dark room, on my bed, with my laptop, listening to depressing music as I write this. I am also really, really tired. Yay for wallowing!)

So. Reasons why life sucks. First of all, my family is poor. I'm not just saying that for effect. We are. My parents currently owe me about $400. By some strange twist of fate I got into a car accident when I was four and when I turned 18, got $10,000. Yes, I'm so lucky. Except it's about half gone already. Why, you might ask? This goes back to the my family being poor thing. Dad works at Walmart, where he makes a few dollars above minimum wage. There are no benefits to speak of, so we're on state health care, which I think my family loses once I go to college. No more minor children in the household. Pity. Mom and dad are each on about 15 medications each. Anyway, mom is too sick to work, and they won't give her disability or social security. (She had breast cancer, has heart problems, osteoporosis, a hernia... you name it, she's got it.)

My dad asked me tonight if I could lend them another $100 dollars or so, to which I replied that eventually there won't be any money left to lend them. Only I kind of said it in a rather loud voice... and in harsher words. I feel bad for it now. The last thing I said before turning and saying goodnight was "And you wonder why I'm so damn cynical." Yes, I, Michelle, used the word "damn" to my parents. I don't just feel bad, I feel terrible. Way to go, me! Always good at slamming your parents into the ground. It's not like they can help it. Not their fault the world is so tilted against them.

Next point... As you probably know, I'm in driver's ed right now, which has brought up all sorts of other nasty little problems. First of all, I've accepted the fact that my parents can't help me pay for it, no matter how often they say they will. So I wave goodbye to that much more money. I learned the most curious thing in driver's ed. Apparently it is against the law to not have car insurance. My family does not have car insurance. You can be arrested if you're caught without it. If my parents get pulled over, we're screwed. We can't afford even the liability and no-fault insurance required as a minimum. Woohoo. Here are the tricky parts. I don't even want to attempt practicing driving in our van if it's not insured, since it's a piece of crap anyway. But, I must have practice to take the road test. And... here's the really fun part, you have to show proof of insurance when you take your test. So how the hell am I supposed to get my license? A very good question.

And then you add all of the stuff involved with senior year, choosing colleges to apply to, the application process, other decisions... I suppose I should be happy that my aunt Donna is offering to help me buy a car and pay for college. Thank God for rich family that doesn't hold my mom's weed-smoking-alcoholic days against me. (You wouldn't think that of my mom by looking at her...) But they want me to try for "nicer" colleges. What's wrong with my nice little low-standards Christian college? I'd be perfectly happy there, and it would be cheaper for them. Don't see why they're complaining.

It's not like me being smart is really going to get me anywhere. I don't have the money or the connections. (Well, if I wanted to work for the government I would have connections. It's amazing how many members of my mother's family work/have worked for the government.) Here is another conclusion: America really isn't that great for us little people at the bottom. The world is tilted in the favor of corporations and big money. Screw America, Canada, Spain, England... I'm going to go live in a tree, with squirrels as companions. People suck. (A good deal of them, anyway. I dearly love any of you who are still reading.)

(Disclaimer: You don't need to reply to this. I wouldn't want to reply to this. I really just needed to feel like someone was listening, even if it's only the three people who read my blog. I think I'm on the verge of insanity... Maybe I can go stay at the nice looney bin, like daddy did that one time. No, my parents would probably get stuck with bills for my stay there. Better not.)

New Haircut!

2006-10-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, a new haircut. And just for my college buddies, I will put up the first ever picture on my blog, so they can see! (Might ruin the element of surprise for Kara, but... *shrug*)

This is the hairstylist's idea of shoulder-length, apparently. I was going for something like Sarah's new 'do, but it didn't quite end up that way. You must tell these people EXACTLY what you want. Over all, though, I don't hate it. I will, however, hate not being able to put my hair up/back until it gets long enough to do so. It does have layers... (Not horribly obvious from the mugshot. Yay webcam!) But you get the general idea.

Oh great. This picture is going to stare at me every time I open my blog until I post again. Possibly until I post twice more.

A Day In My Life

2006-10-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

I can't really think of a good way to describe my life this week.... So, I think I'll just give you examples of the sorts of thoughts that go through my head during the course of a typical day. (Which now includes driver's ed. Bleh!) I'll add before and after school activities, too, even though they never all happen on the same day.

Before School:
Flag practice:
Where is everyone? Can I leave now? Ow, I hit myself. Dammit, I did it again. We suck. We should really just not have a flag feature. Oh joy. 3 girls quit at once. That'll work well...
Sectionals:
Where is everyone? Can I leave now? Oh, right... must play clarinet. The blonde one is out of tune. Ack... bad noise! Make it stop! Bad piccolo, bad! How typical. Melby went longer than he should have. Must walk very quickly now, quickly!
Class Cabinet:
Yep, here I am, sitting in the corner and watching people argue. Remind me why I come, again? Hehe... I have better attendance than the vice-president. Go me!

1st Hour:
Woohoo! Just made it! Eep, loud. Niemi must work on her "indoor voice." Hmm, that's very interesting, I never thought of that. What does that have to do with anything? Oh, I see. Could that clock be moving any slower!? Sheesh.
2nd Hour:
Color the map... color color color. Notes again. Oh joy. Teehee... I love the things Peterson slips in there. Kara does not look amused. (:P) Test next Wednesday and thesis due Monday? Meh.
3rd Hour:
Muchos paquetes que estoy corregiendo... No es correcto... Porque los estudiantes no entienden espanol 1? Ay de mi...
Lunch:
There's something sticky on the floor. I wouldn't sit there, if I were you. If I threw my carrot over the bank of lockers, would it hit the people on the other side? I bet it would. Pity I can't try. My, but our group is a talkative one. Sexual innuendo again. Why does that not surprise me? Oh well. I love them anyway.
4th Hour:
Practice the solo... whee!! Bouncy bouncy variation. Oh, right, time to play band music now. Lalalalala... B-flat! The blonde one is out of tune. I love this song! Whee! I must be as swift as the wind... go fingers, go! Damn, I missed. I just won't play that note. No one will notice.
5th Hour:
I hate math. Can I leave now? This really would be better if I had any friends in this class. I suppose I can go talk to these people... Better than the ones always going on about sports. I don't like sports. Oh great. That'll be a good 2 hours of homework tonight.
6th Hour:
3 minutes before class should be starting... I should do my homework that's due now. Maybe she won't call on me. Hey look, I'm done anyway. I'll just read this novel while everyone else finishes. Conversacion en companeros? I don't like these things, they really cut into my reading time. I got a B? Me, a B? In Spanish? Maybe I should have studied for that test...

After School:
Band Lesson:
Arpeggio... arpeggio... scale... louder! Squeak, squeak... Missed again. I can't play any louder, darn it! Oh, apparently I can. But now I messed up the notes. There is no way to win. By the way, Melby, I'm supposed to leave ten minutes ago. Must scurry off to my locker and hop in the car with mummy.
Driver's Ed:
La la la... Good lord. How stupid can you people be? Oh yeah. You're all 14 and 15. Let me just hit my head against the wall. 3 hours is too long, especially with these people. Can I leave now?
Home:
Stats homework, here I come! *2 hours later* It's 9 o'clock already? Hmm. Guess it's not worth it to try doing any other homework. Must shower...
Oh, look, my computer!

And here I am. I'm trying to remember what free time is like, as I stumble off to bed. Thank God tomorrow is Friday. That's all I can say.

Revised Essay

2006-10-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

More like shortened essay, really. I took out an entire paragraph, and from there random words and sentences I decided I didn't need. It still says essentially the same thing, but in about 200 less words. Why yes, I am a very fluffy writer. *g*

A frightened and overwhelmed 15-year-old girl watched her father wave goodbye and turned to face the bustling hall behind her. She did not know where her luggage had been taken, where she would be sleeping, and, perhaps worst of all, she had never met a single person among the several thousand there. This girl had never been outgoing, and it took all of the courage she possessed to approach strangers. As much as I do not like to admit it, this timid and dreadfully under-confident girl was me. I still wonder exactly what possessed me to sign on to this adventure, but I have never regretted it.

Months previous to the above scenario I had gone to a Christian youth rally where I had learned of an organization that took teenagers to different locations around the world on mission’s trips. Curiosity piqued, I visited the organization’s website and registered myself for a trip. Over the next several months a representative contacted me by telephone every week to help me choose a destination, begin fundraising, and organize all of the important details.

For a reserved person like me, the fundraising process alone was a daunting task. It required me to do something I always dreaded; speaking in public. Luckily for me, my church congregation managed to understand my rushed and barely comprehensible, although carefully prepared speech. I also mustered enough courage to speak individually to countless members of the community and ask for money. I often wonder now if they saw my trembling hands and helped me out of pity. But, mere days before my final deadline, I had the full $2231 dollars needed.

Armed with sunscreen, bug spray, and the other items on my packing list, I arrived in Garden Valley, Texas for three days of training and found myself in that bustling hall. I wandered around the edges of the room for nearly an hour, watching others introduce themselves to each other, and wishing I could manage it with the ease I saw in them. The sense of being alone finally propelled me toward the table marked with a card stating simply “Jamaica,” at which were seated those I would be spending the next two weeks with. I chose a group of friendly looking girls at one end, sat down next to them, smiled shyly, and managed a weak “hello.” To my surprise they returned the gesture and immediately included me in their animated conversation.

While this may not seem significant to a great many people, to me this small step began a process that very gradually made me more gregarious. Being able to speak to people in a foreign country made me believe, just maybe, it wasn’t as difficult as I had thought. Public speaking still makes me nervous, but no longer to the point of nearly fainting. I am comfortable striking a conversation with most people now, and at times I have to stop and wonder where the frightened and overwhelmed girl went. It does not take me long to remember. I left her in Texas.

My Essay (Minus the "Brilliant")

2006-10-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I have finally written my college application essay for Niemi, and more than 1 day before the deadline. I am very proud of myself. For getting it done, anyway. I have yet to decide if it is good or not, which I hope all of my faithful commentors (all three of you! *g*) can assist me with. Constructive criticism is appreciated, as I really would like this to be good. Keep in mind that I sat and wrote this all in about an hour, with no prewriting or drafts. (Or even thinking about it, for that matter.)

Oh, and 500 words... is that a minimum, a limit, or both? I have 701 words. A bit long, perhaps. Again, opinions are wonderful things. If you see anything that can be cut, feel free to point it out!

And now, The Essay:

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken or ethical dilemma that you have faced and its impact on you.

A frightened and overwhelmed 15-year-old girl watched her father wave goodbye and turned to face the bustling hall behind her. She did not know where her luggage had been taken, where she would be sleeping, and, perhaps worst of all, she had never met a single person among the several thousand there. This girl had never been outgoing, and it took all of the courage she possessed to approach strangers. As much as I do not like to admit it, this timid and dreadfully under-confident girl was me. I still wonder exactly what possessed me to sign on to this adventure, but I have never regretted it.

Months previous to the above scenario I had gone to a Christian youth rally where I had learned of an organization that took teenagers to different locations around the world on mission’s trips. Perhaps the most enticing part for me had been that you did not need a whole youth group to sign up. I had wanted to take part in something like this for what seemed like years, but, to my chagrin, none of the other youth in my church did. Curiosity piqued, I visited the organization’s website and registered myself for a trip, with parental consent. Over the next several months a representative contacted me by telephone every week to help me choose a destination, begin fundraising, and organize all of the important details.

It did not take me long to set my heart on Jamaica. An older friend had been there the previous summer on a similar mission and had told countless tales of the people and their culture. The Caribbean climate of Jamaica certainly did not dissuade me from venturing forth. Also in the small island country’s favor was the fact that they spoke English, and I would not need to rely on translators to speak with the native population. With that major decision finalized, the rest of the process could begin.

For a reserved person like me, the fundraising process alone was a daunting task. It required me to do something I always dreaded; speaking in public. Quite luckily for me, my church congregation managed to understand my rushed and barely comprehensible, although carefully prepared speech. Somehow I also mustered enough courage to speak individually to countless members of the community and ask for money. I often wonder now if they saw my trembling hands and helped out of pity. But, mere days before my final deadline, I had the full $2231 dollars needed.

Armed with sunscreen, bug spray, and the other specified items on my packing list, I arrived in sunny Garden Valley, Texas for the three days of training and found myself in that bustling hall. I wandered around the edges of the room for nearly an hour, watching others introduce themselves to each other and wishing I could manage it with the ease I seemed to see in them. The isolation and sense of being alone finally propelled me toward the long table marked with a card stating simply “Jamaica,” at which were seated those I would be spending the next two weeks with. I chose a group of friendly looking girls at one end and simply sat down next to them, smiled shyly, and managed a weak “hello.” To my surprise they returned the gesture and immediately included me in their animated conversation, and later several became my roommates.

While this may not seem significant to a great many people, to me this small step began a process that very gradually made me more gregarious. Being able to speak with people, both young and old, in a foreign country, made me believe that, just maybe, it wasn’t as difficult as I had thought. Public speaking still makes me nervous, but no longer to the point of nearly fainting and wanting to run away. I am comfortable striking a conversation with most people now, and at times I have to stop and wonder just where the frightened and overwhelmed girl went. It does not take me long to remember. I left her in Texas.

My Brilliant Essay

2006-10-16T17:53:00.000-07:00

... That hasn't been written yet. I'm still struggling to come up with a good topic. Ideas, anyone? I had a few as I was falling asleep last night, but I tend to not trust those ones too much. They were really good, actually... But did I write it down? Nope. I only have a few vague recollections. Seriously, I have mentally composed epic poetry in that half-conscious state. I ought to keep a notebook on my little table.

Anyway, essay... I get the impression that we can write about pretty much whatever we want (within reason) as long as we write it well. Here are my half-baked ideas.

1. How other countries view America.
This would be really fun (I think, anyway), but could require research of some sort.

2. Babble on about Lord of the Rings as a piece of literature that has affected me. I twisted the question on the 10th grade writing test to serve my purposes and got a 5 on it, so I could do it on this one.

3. My missions trip to Jamaica. I could get all sorts of emotional, whacking you over the head with good feelings "I went and took a risk and conquered adversity" stuff in there.

4. An issue of "personal, local, national, or international concern." Plenty to choose from there. Again, could require research, which, frankly, I'm too bloody lazy to do.

5. Weasels. The treatment of these little creatures nowadays is abominable! The persecution must stop!

Should I stay away from politics and stick with personal stuff, maybe? Politics would prove that I'm in tune (band metaphor!) with what is happening in the world and all that jazz, but personal is just easier. I like easy. Easy button, please! Either way, not to be arrogant, I can make it sound good. I'm just skilled with manipulating words that way.

For those who were curious, the word that takes you to this website is, in fact, "blogger," and not "globber." I somehow typed the latter today when trying to get here.

Lesson of the Day

2006-10-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

It is better to go to school and throw up on people than to miss three tests. The vocab test in lang won't be so bad, or multiple choice. Actually, that's four test-ish things I missed. Those two, plus the WHAT quiz in Peterson's class, and our very first chapter test in Spanish. That last one could be tricky, mostly because of the listening portion. As for missing pep band... my extra lessons have got to count as brownie points.

So while not at school, I had a very uneventful day. I stayed curled up in bed, wishing I could fall asleep and that I would feel better. I was very grumpy and snapped at my parents whenever they attempted to communicate. Probably not fair, but it feels kind of good to be mean sometimes. I did finish a 546 page book that I was only about 20 pages into on Thursday. That felt nice and completely useless. Imagine... reading for fun! The downside to all of this is that I don't have my lang notebook, which has in it the Plato and Machiavelli readings and questions that are due Tuesday. I'd rather not do that all Monday night. *sigh* But I'll have to.

Did I miss anything interesting, Sara? Hmm... correction. Did I miss anything interesting up until 2nd hour, before you left? You and Catherine noticed I was gone, so that is a plus. I wonder if he noticed I was gone? Not likely, since I only see him during school if I'm really lucky.

This could be a boring weekend. All of the work I brought home Thursday night is already done. All I have is Clarry, and my solo. Oh! I have my Weber book and my syllabus for Euro. I could read all of those to make myself feel useful. Might as well... *shrug*

Observations on Clarinet Playing

2006-10-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

I recorded myself playing with the sound recorder feature on my laptop, and learned a number of things:

1. It sounds like I'm thwapping something whenever I tongue a note.
2. Conversely, my playing sounds sloppy if I don't.
3. I hesitate.
4. High notes are not pretty.
5. I take breaths when I shouldn't.
6. Melby must have been lying to make me feel better about myself when he said I have a good tone.
7. Generally, I'm bad.

But, then again, I'm comparing myself to the likes of clarinet goddesses like Crystal and Elizabeth. Maybe if I compared myself to other mortals it would be more productive.

On a random note, pep band tomorrow night at the football is going to be cold. I am not looking forward to it.

Logan is the Anti-Christ!

2006-10-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

I don't really think that, but that is the next step down from renaming my blog that just to creep him out. Logan didn't know I had a blog until today. Let him think it is where I proclaim my Logan/Anti-Christ theories to the world. While we are on this subject, would any like to offer proof to this theory? Muahaha. On a random note, in the last year or so I've had about three dreams that Logan dies in. I bet it's an omen, or a portent, or even simply a sign. (Unlike the fortune cookie, Sara! *cough* You heard him talking today after school. There would be no point in progressing with said evil plot. Shouldn't evil plots be Logan's business? I imagine that he has an elaborate one for world domination. I'm alright with this as long as I get to be regent/queen of some country or other.)

Lesson of the day:
Spouting Spanish during an argument with one's parental units (particularly the dimmer of the two) cannot end well. They will think you are insulting them. (Which I was... but not like I know anything horribly insulting in Spanish, anyway.) Do any of my more advanced friends (Kara and Crystal) want to teach me some new words? Hehe. Apparently telling them that you have homework to do is not excuse enough to escape from taking the trash out. A very smelly business, that is.

I posted again, Sara! Are you happy now? I think you were miming for me to post as we parted after school. Where are my pink sprinkles?

Randomness

2006-10-10T19:24:00.000-07:00

Sara seems to like it when I post, so I shall post again. So I'm sitting in the living room and watching an especially disturbing episode of CSI, where the criminal takes out his victims' eyes and puts them in the eye sockets of other dead people. *shudder* Why do I watch this? Oh yes. Because I don't feel like doing any more work. Those college essays and applications are still waiting for me... I spent about 45 minutes reading the Mun essay-thing for Euro, and came away with the vague feeling that there was something important in there that I should have caught. I was much more interested in the little dust specks floating through the air, the ticking of my clock, the soft, comforting buzz of my laptop. Do you think those "Focus" pills are any good? Imagine how much work I could get done if I could obtain an attention span!

More band randomness! I played Variation IV before band today and it sounded slightly less strangled. It should be good by February, I hope. Solo/Ensemble is on Valentine's Day! That could cut into plans. Hahahaha... as if I'll have any plans, other than possibly wearing black to mourn. Didn't we do that last year? The all-black could classify as the dressy outfit required for the contest. I missed flags yesterday morning... Apparently Amanda wrote that we had practice on the board, but I never bothered to look. I won't miss tomorrow morning. Really I won't. When we practiced today during band Kris and I rewound the tape recorder thinger all the way and listened to old music while Amanda worked with Holly. (Sophomore clarinet and flagger.) Canzona and Let the Light Shine were both on there. Such memories! Canzona was such a good song....

This Sounds Familiar

2006-10-09T17:18:00.000-07:00

"She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies slighted by other men."
~Mr. Darcy

I think I may adopt this as my motto. It describes my experiences quite well. All of you reading this have heard the stories, I'm sure, so you know what I'm talking about. I'm still wondering why I even bother liking any of them... Other than that, I actually just like nearly everything Darcy says in Pride and Prejudice, which I'm re-reading now. I adore Jane Austen.

The 4th variation from my clarinet solo is running through my head and driving me crazy. It's so... bouncy. The part that really annoys me is that no matter what I do, the middle G, which is about every other note, comes out sounding like it's being strangled. Crystal, advice? I tried giving it more air, and it kind of helped, until I forgot that I was giving it more air and went back to my normal dynamic. Which, according to Melby, is "not loud enough." It never is. I could be going blue in the face and it's still not loud enough. Meh. Watch me pass out in the middle of the piece at solo/ensemble. Wouldn't that be fun? "Can't.... breathe..."

Hmm. I really wish I had something interesting to tell you all, or an amusing story to delight your imaginations. Oh! I went somewhere other than school or home today. I went grocery shopping! Woohoo. I had waaaay too much fun, and realized that getting out more often would be healthy. Anyone up for a movie on Friday? Well... Sara and Kara could do it, anyway. There are actually a few that I want to see, but don't ask me to recall their names right now.

One last note.... AP Euro test... 98... Muahahaha....
Sorry, I'm done now. Feel free to lynch me if you'd like. I promise to do worse next time! (Or not.)

Talk About a Blonde Moment...

2006-10-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

Or a blonde day. That was me taking the last stats test. I apparently just forgot to do a bunch of stuff. And my grade? D. A high one, though. It was somewhere around 69.997%. Perhaps Pelkey will take pity on me and say it's a C. Honestly... I got a B on the first test. I understood this chapter, my mind was just out to lunch when I took the test. Meh. That'll bring my nice A down. Anyway, in other news....

Nope. I've got nothing else. My life is boring. Catherine gave me an interesting book to read when I feel like procrastinating, so I can put off finishing Emma a bit longer. I like Emma, but it's not a horribly fast read. I have so many books in my room that have been started but never finished.... Right then. I should go find something productive to do. Like staring at my ceiling.

I Wonder...

2006-09-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

While sitting here and doing absolutely nothing useful with my Saturday, I wandered over to Kelsi's blog and realized that we have the same template. I'm all for being original and such, but I really, really like this template design. All of the others pale in comparison to its shininess. So, I shall leave it, and hope that Kelsi doesn't mind. (Not like it matters that much, anyway.) Does anyone have an idea for the name of my blog? "Shelty's World" is too boring, but it made me put something in the little box when I signed up. My creativity is drained for the week. Actually, I haven't seen it in a while... but I have yet to check under my bed for it. It could very well be hiding there, along with the referral form my youth pastor filled out for me. I swore that I would look for that today, but napped and watched Pride and Prejudice, and all of the special features, instead. The only productive thing I did was finish the Weber readings for Euro. *sigh* Remind me to search for my motivation while I'm out looking for my creativity, if I ever get up. So comfortable...

Yep. It's pink now. Don't ask why.

First Post?

2006-09-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

This does seem more promising than MySpace. I gave up on that. I only check it when they send me an email saying there's something new, which isn't horribly often. I could be studying or doing something productive now. Like filling out my National Honor Society application. Or my college application(s). I may apply to UND just for the heck of it, even though I'm already pretty much set on Crown. UND has a better linguistics program, but I can always transfer later on if I need to, I suppose. Right then. This was my first post. I hope you enjoyed it. (Ha!)

Hello, World!

2006-09-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

Hello! I'll make this nice and pretty once I find the time. I'm just getting it up for now.

Pink Oompa Loompas

Let's Be Honest

Let's Be Honest

Moving!

Shopping!

It's Been a While

You May Now Begin to Panic

Yo Ho...

Sleepy....

Poetry!

*hums*

Just For the Heck of It

New Number

Into the Woods!

Fire!

Fall 2007

The Halls of Learning

Minnesota Again

Adios!

Whee!

Ramblings

Waxing Poetic

I Had a Dream

I'm Bringing Sexy Back...

*yawn*

*snicker*

Intruder Alert! Everyboy Run! Or... Go Sit in the Corner?

Naps, French Fries, and The Backstreet Boys

300...

You're The One That I Want... Ooh, Ooh, Ooh!

Inspiration At Last!

Oh, What A Beautiful Morning...

A Dream Within A Dream

Just for the Sake of Posting...

Poe and Napoleon

Snow!

Blah.

Photos!

Weekend Adventures

Lalalalalala.....

Happy Face!

Amusing

Queen Logan

Solo/Ensemble

Meh.

Whee!

Hehe...

Happy/Thoughtful

Chaos

Introspection

Is It Summer Yet?

*sways*

Oh. My. God. *screams*

Babble

Christmas

Rant

*happy dance*

What Makes You "You?"

Randomness: Part... Something

Strange Dream

Oh, I Just Can't Wait...

Yay Productivity!

Happy!

Behind the Wheel

Thanksgiving

Hmm...

I'm Confused

What to Do?

Dilemma...

One Letter

Remember, Remember...

Wait... What?

Observation of the Day

New Haircut!

A Day In My Life

Revised Essay

My Essay (Minus the "Brilliant")

My Brilliant Essay

Lesson of the Day

Observations on Clarinet Playing

hums

yawn

snicker

sways

Oh. My. God. screams

happy dance